Saturday, December 27, 2008

Post Christmas Post

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and got lots of pretty. we had a great, relaxed Christmas day, and I've been eating turkey for two meals a day since then. It's fantastic. I got a new watch, which I will try very hard to NOT break, as I have broken each of the last... actually, all of them. Every single watch I've ever owned I've managed to break. This one is supposed to be quite sturdy, so let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we? Hey, on the bright side, I never lose them!

Other highlight gifts were a gift certificate to a great sushi restaurant, a phenomenal bottle of Scotch (Oban 14yr old), and, of course, the new bike which I hope to finally pick up soon.

Retard Update: We had a blackout last night -- I was home alone, watching The Dark Knight (another fabulous Christmas gift), and all of a sudden -- poof! No lights. I was in the basement, no flashlight, no nothin'. So I stumble around a little, kick over a small table, step on a cat, finally find the stairs and... fell. I landed three steps up.

Yeah. I fell up the stairs. It's sort of hard to explain. So I won't. Use your imagination.

Anyway, last but very not least -- I subscribe to Sports Illustrated, though sometimes I wonder why -- the writing is a little stuffy some times, and in general I find that I enjoy more off-color sports writing. But every now and then, they really nail it, and this week -- they fucking blew me away.

I admit it: I'm a huge fan of pit bulls. Almost every one I've met has been an absolutely phenomenal dog. And since we already know what a sucker for dogs I am, the Vick story really infuriated me (and I was thrilled to bits when he ended up in the clink). So it's no surprise that I can't recommend this article enough. Read it and weep. In a (mostly) good way.

Now playing: Nellie McKay - The Dog Song
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Merry, Happy Happy

Hello everyone!

Well, Christmas eve at work is not what I'd call... productive. But just a couple of random notes:

  • Christmas plans: Me and Mrs. TK will be at home, alone, for the first time... ever. We've always either been out of town, or had company, or been traveling, or working, or something. This will mark the very first time in the 8 years we've been living together that we'll just wake up together, open presents, eat breakfast, all by our lonesome. I can't express how happy this makes me.
  • There is absolutely nothing funnier than watching a 3-legged beagle try to poop in 10 inches of snow. It's the highest of high comedy. Poor thing.
  • There is absolutely nothing less fun than trying to clear ten inches of frozen snow off a driveway after being out of town for the snowstorm.
  • That said, our trip to Philadelphia was a rousing success. Few travel delays, couple of outstanding holiday parties, got to stay with our favorite people, and got to hang out with Litelysalted herself. It was quite lovely.
Anyway, that's the news that's fit to print. Hope you all have fantastic holidays! Take care, be safe and be sure to eat yourself stupid.


Listening to: The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, December 17, 2008



This kind of thing? Seriously messed up. Locking kids in a "seclusion room" when they misbehave? Particularly disabled kids? What the fuck, people. How is that productive? How can educational professionals reach a collective agreement that the best way to handle a problem - any problem - is to lock a kid in a room with little light or space?

From the article:

Michigan requires that a child held in seclusion have constant supervision from an instructor trained specifically in special education, and that confinement not exceed 15 minutes.

Connecticut education spokesman Tom Murphy said "time-out rooms" were used sparingly and were "usually small rooms with padding on the walls."

Only Vermont tracks how many children are kept in seclusion from year to year, though two other states, Minnesota and New Mexico, say they have been using the rooms less frequently in recent years.

Doesn't that seem like the kind of thing we should be monitoring, like, constantly? How often we're locking our children in boxes? Even if I'm willing to allow that there's some sort of educational/psychological reasoning for it. But to do it an not monitor them?

Let me tell you - when I was a kid in South Africa, I went to a school where we were beaten with canes for misbehaving. Part of me thinks that's actually more humane than this bullshit.

Mr. Duncan
, sir, you have got your work cut out for you.

Well, that was just incredibly depressing.

In more upbeat news, 5:00 today is new release Wednesday at Pajiba Music. Please read, listen, have fun. We're also running a series on our favorite music releases of the year and our favorite discoveries of the year. Find all of it here.

And in even more upbeat news, we are leaving on Friday for Philadelphia to see friends and Mrs. TK's family. As an added bonus, we will be seeing none other than Ms. Litelysalted herself, Ms. Stacey Nosek.

No good can come of that.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Dear Tuesday Morning: Please feel free to go to hell

It seemed like a reasonable morning today. I woke up, a little sleepy, but OK. No shower-related mishaps. Mrs. TK was kind enough to get up before me and take care of the animals, even though she has the day off.

Of course, as soon as I left the house, everything fell apart.

Got to Dunkin Donuts for my morning coffee. Parked the car. Grabbed the empty cup from yesterday's coffee and got out. On my way to the trashcan, I also got my wallet out, just to make sure I had money. I made my way into the Dunkies, got up to the counter, ordered my coffee and then I realized (along with Sonia, the very sweet woman who makes my coffee every morning) that I was standing there, expecting to pay with an empty coffee cup.

Because on my way inside, I had this weird, crossed-wire brain hiccup. And thus, I had apparently thrown my wallet into the trash.


The worst part is, this type of shit happens all the time. My brain can't handle two activities if it's too early. I mean, I've done things like pour juice right onto the counter because I forgot to take a glass out of the cupboard. I've put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal box in the fridge. For Christ's sake, I once walked out of the house on a winter day with no shoes on.

I should really never leave the house.

Anyway. I got to work and only spilled my coffee on myself once, which is a step up from yesterday. Walk into my office and... it's freezing. Awesome. Now, my office is always cold - I like to think it's God getting back at me for setting fires as a child.

But today, it was extra special super cold. So I grabbed the space heater that I swiped from the office of a guy we fired a few months ago, plugged it in, and turned it up just a wee, baby little bit. And promptly my office lost power.

As did the three offices next to mine.

Oh, and one of those? Belongs to my boss.

It's been a banner fuckin' morning, folks.

Listening to: The Black Keys - 10 A.M. Automatic
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Good things, bad things

Hey kids,

Sorry I've been somewhat absent lately. Don't take it personally. It's been an interesting week or so - between frantically scurrying around getting this Pajiba Music thing up and running, throwing out my back AGAIN this past weekend, having a friend come and visit, Thanksgiving, going to the Celtics game last Friday, seeing my sister's new play last night, and... oh! The new pretty. Please, feel free to ooh and aah:

Anyway, other than that, there are also a pair of music reviews coming up today by both me and two other great writers, Boo and Kelsi. The first is up now, and... I'm not proud of it. Frankly, listening to that album was more painful than hurting my back. That's an hour of my life that is stained permanently. I feel sick. Unclean. Read it here. The second batch of reviews will go up in about an hour.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Happy Thanksgiving (in advance) everyone! Hope you all eat yourselves retarded tomorrow - Lord knows I will. Mrs. TK is unfortunately working, so I'm doing the multiple house world tour thing tomorrow. But I figured I'd wish y'all a happy happy and all that.

Also, for those who were wondering, Chinese Democracy? Kinda sucks. Click here for the review, as well as a few other good reviews of far superior albums.

Later gators.

Monday, November 24, 2008


Quick update: My review of Bolt went up today -- forgot to mention it until now. In any event, click here to read it.

In music news, two new writers have some great stuff up today and tomorrow... Boo, of Girl Named Boo, has a review of The Sword and Year Long Disaster in concert that's a fun as hell read - here it is. And new writer Shepard has an excellent piece going up on Tuesday. Be sure to check it out.

That's all for now. Get back to work, you lazy sods!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Welcome to my family

I've been meaning to post this for a while but got sidetracked. Some of you may remember a week or two ago I posted a review for American History X over at Pajiba. Well, ever since I've let my parents in on this gig, they've taken to reading the reviews. After the AHX review, I received an email from my dad that sums up our relationship beautifully. It read:

Hey Boy,

A little masterpiece. Superb writing. Wonderful character, acting and story analysis and a balanced assessment of the social pathology of Neo-Nazism (as reflected in this particular story) that I would find difficult to achieve.

Keep it up but don’t end a sentence with a preposition.



So first off, yes, at 33 years old, my father still calls me "Boy." Frankly, I don't mind and even find it quite endearing. Second, if you know my father, and know what an all-around brilliant mind he is, you can see why a message like this has me glowing with pride. And third, that final sentence is absolutely awesome. It's so "dad" it's almost comical. God, I love my dad.

Listening to: Cat Stevens - Father and Son
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Can we talk about stupid for a minute?

Let's go with this:

What you are looking at, in case it's unclear, is the 2009 Cadillac Escalade Hybrid. It's one of the largest SUV's around. In a hybrid. This has to be one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever seen. Basically, you've taken an overpriced, elitist beast of a machine and given it only slightly better mileage.

First of all, I can only assume that we all accept that the Escalade is a car designed for the vain and image-conscious, people who will likely NEVER use it for it's storage capacity or off-road capability. And no, piling in four kids for a soccer game does not fucking count. Seriously, when's the last time you saw an Escalade actually carrying anything? Towing anything? Anything on the roof? No? Didn't think so. People who buy luxury SUV's infuriate me, because a) they have no idea how to drive them and b) it's just stupid. Buying a luxury SUV in this day and age is essentially saying, "I have a ridiculous amount of money, and I'm basically telling the environment to go fuck itself. Seriously, suck my ass, Planet Earth. I've made a conscious decision to ostentatiously flaunt my wealth while simultaneously taking a shit on my children's future on this planet."

Oh ho! But now it's in a hybrid! Now, you can say, "I have even MORE money, money that I don't even know how to spend. I don't give a fuck about the environment, but I read somewhere that other people care. And since my image is so goddamn important, I'd like to at least pretend that I give a shit. So I'll continue to buy massive, overpriced bohemoths on wheels, but this one's a hybrid! Sure, it still doesn't even get 20 miles to the gallon, it's still a danger to other drivers, but now I can act like I'm actually a good person."

I apologize for this out-of-nowhere rant, but I saw one on my way to work this morning and almost exploded in my car.

Anyway, as a random aside, there's a few new music reviews going up on Pajiba at 5PM EST today. Please check 'em out.

Listening to: Warship - Profit Over People
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Rock You Like a Hurricane

Hi kids,

Quick announcement (again) - some of you may know that in between reviewing movies about necrophilia and writing about spilling on myself, I also write for a music site called The Music is the Message. Well, Pajiba has graciously asked me to become their music editor, and as such, I'll be diverting my musical attentions over there to work on their new music section! Exciting, n0?

Anyway, here is the official Pajiba announcement. I'm sure I'll drive this into the ground in a couple weeks, if I don't fall down a flight of stairs or break my ass mountain biking first, but until then, please do come by and read!

Tonight I go to see The Reverend Horton Heat, and I'm so excited I might pee myself.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Love is about craving

Just a quick programmatic post: A new review went up on Pajiba for Kissed, a movie about, well... necrophilia. Sort of. It's complicated. Look, just click here and read the fucking thing, OK?

Tune in tomorrow for interesting news.

dun Dun DUN!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Fighting the fight

Jesus Christ, Keith Olbermann.

It's perhaps a little overwrought and over emotional, but godDAMN if it isn't fucking brilliant. It says everything I've been thinking, only but far more eloquently.

Watch the whole thing, people.

Well said. Anyone who honestly doesn't think that Proposition 8 is a gargantuan stumble back towards a darker age and an insult to the the institution of marriage, straight OR gay... well, I don't even know why you're reading this.

*Thanks to Tarhearted.

Now playing: Wax Poetic - Angels feat. Norah Jones
via FoxyTunes

Friday, November 07, 2008

The Better Angels of Our Nature

I'm still kind of reeling from Tuesday. I haven't really watched anything other than MSNBC and a few minutes of the Celtics. I feel like Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann live in my house, I'm watching them so much. The whole thing is just too much for me to absorb in a few days.

Anyway, I'm heading out to Cleveland this afternoon, where sadly, I will not see Mr. Brian Prisco, despite him being there as well. Bummer. We're going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, though! And Sunday is the Drive By Truckers concert, so expect updates both here and on The Music is the Message. Oh, and I've got a doozy of a review coming next week as well on Pajiba, so stick around, OK?

Speaking of which, here's the link to yesterday's review. Just click here. Sort of an odd choice given this week's events, but also amazingly appropriate... I mention this in the review, but it's worth reiterating simply for the fun of it. The quote from Lincoln's inaugural address that Danny Vinyard, played by Edward Furlong, uses at the end of American History X is the exact same quote that President-Elect Obama (chills, I tell you, chills whenever I say or type that) used in his victory speech. Which gives me an excuse to paste that quote again, as it's one of my all time favorites.

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave, to every living heart and hearth-stone, all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
Take care and have a great weekend everyone.

Listening to: The Little Willies - Best of All Possible Worlds
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Brother's Gonna Work it Out


As most of you know, I for the most part avoid blogging about politics other than the minor jabs here and there, and issues that affect me on a fundamental, personal level. There's no denying that last night was an historic moment, and as a result, it's worth noting here and elsewhere. It was strangely anticlimactic in a way - I watched the results from the comfort of my house, either on the couch in the earlier hours, or tucked into bed later on. But it was a moving and affecting night. Oddly, it wasn't until this morning, when I heard Obama's speech in full, that it truly hit me, andI found myself sitting in traffic on I-93, with tears on my face.

This wasn't only an election about race - in fact, the issues at hand were far more wide-ranging and critical in some ways. It was about the economy and war and the way things were and the way things should be. It was about all of those things. But, that said, to disregard the momentousness of a black man becoming president is disingenuous and even ignorant.

It may come as a surprise to many, but I truly didn't think it would happen in my lifetime. My father, who I routinely discuss politics with, felt the same. It's odd - we're probably the two most radical, leftist people we know, and yet that has also created a deeply ingrained cynicism that is hard to move past. Given the history of our homeland of South Africa, both where it's been and where it's going, as well as the blunders made in the U.S., it's hard to face the future with anything but skepticism, if not an outright pessimistic fatalism. And while I certainly don't believe that everything is going to be alright now, that our problems will be solved and the world is on the path to righteousness and harmony and that birds will sing and people will dance in the streets, I suppose I can't but help feel that at least now, finally, for the first time in a long time, we are on the right path.

The election of Barack Obama as the 44th President is truly an incredible moment in my life, and hopefully yours. I can now proudly say that there are two clear, shining moments that show that there is hope for the future of race relations, and that there is just hope, period. The release, and subsequent election, of Nelson Mandela was the first. And now, the election of Barack Hussein Obama.

That's all I've got.

Thanks for reading.


One last thing - no day like this is complete without the requisite soundtrack. So please, please, click HERE.

Listening to: Ladysmith Black Mambazo - Amazing Grace / Nearer My God to Thee
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Updates and miscellany and VOTE!

I've got some serious hectic times ahead. Spent Sunday and Monday at the wonderful home of Dustin Rowles, friend and editor of Pajiba. They are, despite what you may have heard, lovely people with a ridiculously cute son. Friday we leave for Cleveland, where despite being within a paltry few miles of each other, I will not be seeing Brian Prisco.

Sunday we return, and I begin my whirlwind concert tour - three concerts in six days. The Drive-By Truckers and the Hold Steady on Sunday, The Reverend Horton Heat with Nashville Pussy on Thursday, and Murder By Death with William Elliott Whitmore on Saturday. That should be sufficiently exhausting.

Also, I've got a music post up today, so click here. And a BMaT post went up Saturday, so by all means, click here if you're not sick of me yet. If you are... well, go screw.

Oh, and even though I can't due to my lack of citizenship, I'd appreciate it if you'd get out there and vote, folks. Do it for me. (psst - if you are going to vote for me, I'd appreciate it if you voted for the colored fella)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Our Logic Collapses on the Subatomic Level... Into Ghosts and Shadows

Halloween ain't what it once was for me. I used to get really into it... well... I used to use it as an excuse to get dressed up and go on mini suburban rampages. I admit, I was one of those kids growing up - I could chuck an egg with stunning accuracy. Once college rolled around, I basically lost all interest in Halloween. I didn't like the pressure to dress up, and since I wasn't much of a big-party guy - I preferred to do my drinking with small groups of serious drinkers - I pretty much gave up on it.

However, in my new-found (and moderately disconcerting) suburban lifestyle, I have found some joy in simply staying home and handing out candy. I don't dress up or anything, but I do get a kick out of watching the kids get into it.

That said, the first little reprobate who throws anything at my house is gonna get an assfull of my foot.

Anyway. All of that was a long, dull segue into this week's Pajiba review. I enjoyed writing this more than anything I've written. Hope you enjoy reading it.


Happy Halloween, everyone.

Listening to: The Misfits - Die, Die My Darling
via FoxyTunes

Monday, October 27, 2008


Because it deserves to be shouted from the fucking rooftops:

Pajiba interviews Kevin Smith.

Yes, that Kevin Smith.

Click here. Do it. Do it NOW.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Once Again Back Is The Incredible...

Couple of quick bits. I'm finally back to writing on the various sites that I continue to over-extend myself on.

If you're interested, I did a post on TMITM, about three bands that tried to change and as a result, became worse for the effort. Click here, please.

And I completed my reviews of the trilogy of “Terror from Underwater!” movies with another personal weekend favorite, Deep Rising. I'd post a picture of the movie poster, but Blogger is being a bastard right now. Fucking jerk.

Anyway, click here for the review.

End of line.

Listening to: Groove Armada - Madder
via FoxyTunes

Monday, October 20, 2008

Your dirty sex makes God send hurricanes

This might be the funniest thing currently on the internet.

Brilliant, no? The perfect fuck you to that reactionary pigfucker O'Reilly. But wait, there's more!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die


Listening to: From Autumn to Ashes - Capeside Rock

Thursday, October 16, 2008

So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, goodbye

First off, thanks to everyone who was incredibly kind with their words, thoughts and actions over the last few days. It was very appreciated. The funeral was, as can be imagined, probably one of the hardest days of my life - it's difficult to describe how devastated our family is by the loss. I'm not going to write a big emotional piece about it, because it's family stuff and some things aren't for public dissemination. Not to mention, it's simply too painful. But as with all things, it gets a teeny bit easier with each day.

But I'll try to end things on a lighter note:

This morning my mom left, which is always an incredibly difficult, challenging, teary affair. I love my mom so much, and saying goodbye is simply awful. So there we stand, arms wrapped around each other, kisses on the cheek and forehead. And then, it's time for her to go. I give her one last hug, one last kiss on the cheek, and reach down to pick up her luggage for her...

... and split the crotch of my pants.

I shit you not. I am sitting in my office with a four inch rip going right over my junkular region. If you'll excuse me, I need to go pick up some slacks.

Take care everyone.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Rest in peace.

Saturday, October 04, 2008


I'm going to be out of touch for a while. My aunt, whose family is the only family I have in Massachusetts, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Friday. Her family and my sister are the only family I have in the US.

She was also my mother's twin, and obviously we're pretty devastated by this. My sister is flying in on Sunday, and my mom and some other family are flying in from Cape Town later in the week. It's not going to be an easy week, and while I'm always happy to see my mother, the circumstances are quite awful.

Regardless, it goes without saying that this will basically put everything - work, blogging, commenting, movie reviews, the works - on hiatus for a while.

Anyway. Hope everyone is well. I'll catch up with you all later.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

And I'm back...

Well, my trip to Denver was spectacularly boring. Basically, it consisted of the following schedule:

6 AM - Wake up
7 AM - Eat gross buffet breakfast
8 AM - Attend sessions on Low-Income Housing Software and Regulatory Changes Affecting It
12 PM - Lunch
1 PM - Back to sessions
4:30 - Go to room, beat head against wall.
4:35 - Go to teeny tiny hotel gym
6:00 -Shower, change
6:30 - Go to bar. Eat sandwich. Drink six beers. Watch baseball. Drunk-dial Mrs. TK.
9:00 - Stumble back to hotel, fall asleep.

Rinse, fucking repeat. Every single day.

Also? While I accept that I saw very little of it, Denver was kind of... dull. Perhaps if I'd had more time.

But, in a shocking turn of events, the travel was completely and utterly uneventful. No repeats of the Salad Dressing Incident, and certainly nothing like the Batteries/Water-Spitting Incident. In fact, my flight back to Boston actually landed early. I feel like either a) it's the karmic wheel finally righting things, or b) it's karma just being a cruel bitch, and a plane is going to crash into my car en route to work or something tomorrow.

The coolest part was definitely when I landed. The Red Sox game was in full swing, and I'm obviously dying to know the score. I bolt off the plane, find my car, turn on the radio and... we're losing.


I get in, start driving, get out of the tunnel and... Jason Bay cranks one, and we take the lead! Promptly followed by a text message from my friend Jen (aka the greatest friend in the history of friends) inviting me to game three on Sunday.

Not a bad way to return home.

I did have a review go up on Wednesday, for one of my favorite Shakespeare adaptations, Titus. Click here to read it, if you please.

Also, I just finished watching the VP debate. I loathe Sarah Palin. Loathe. She was so goddamn smug and artificial and folksy and "oh, I'm a maaaaverick" that I literally chipped a molar from grinding my teeth while watching.


Now playing: Ministry - So What
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, September 27, 2008

RIP Paul Newman

1925 - 2008

One of my all-time favorite actors. I wrote a brief little retrospective on Pajiba. Click here to read if you wish. Have a great weekend.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Yar. Ye be comipletely insane.

Welcome to my world.

My wife, though I love her dearly, is clearly wearing her crazypants today. She worked an overnight shift last night, so we didn't see each other last night or this morning. I got to work today with an email that simply said, "Ahoy, matey! Whar's me cookie?"

Since "Talk Like a Pirate Day" was last Friday, I thought she was either late to the game, or confused and trying to find our baked goods. Sadly, none of those are true. Because attached to the email, was this:

Get it? Three-legged dog? Pirate costume?

Oh, bloody hell.

Anyway. I'll be in Denver, CO from Sunday to Wednesday, so likely this'll be the last you hear of me for a few days. God knows what the dogs will be dressed in when I get home.

Have a good whatever.

Listening to: Monty Burns - See My Vest

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Black people and white kids

One of those days where everything happens at once.

So if you're interested, here's my piece on so-called "black music." By which I mean, black artists who defy the stereotypes shoved down our throats by MTV, pop radio, and their respective devil spawn.

And to switch gears completely, here's my review of one of the best teen comedies of all time, Can't Hardly Wait.

Please to enjoy.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Crash Into Me

So, some of you may know that this spring, I took up cycling. I actually charged into it pretty seriously, trying to average about 70-100 miles per week. It's been great fun, and I certainly feel better overall.

Of course, I also took up not just road biking, but mountain biking occasionally. You know, rough terrain, dangerous trails, rocks, roots, all that fun stuff.

You can probably tell where this is going.

Anyway, Saturday I went for a ride to F. Gilbert Hills State Forest in Foxboro, MA. It's a beautiful park, and I was meandering through it and stopped to look at a trail map. Another mountain biker came upon me and very nicely asked if I knew where I was going. When I responded that I did not, but wasn't too worried, he said, "Well, if you want, you can ride along with me. I know the park pretty well."

"How nice," I thought. "A fellow rider offering assistance!"

So I accepted his offer, and off we went. It took roughly 90 seconds for me to realize that this guy was WAY more advanced than me. WAY MORE. We took trails that was absolutely not ready for, super technical stuff, trails with six foot drops, crazy inclines, just ridiculous all around. I did my best to keep up - I may take a while, but I don't quit. I also dumped the bike a bunch of times. Mostly minor stuff, but two of them were absolutely epic. The first one happened right in front of him - I was flying down a hill, and my front tire got wedged between two rocks, resulting the the rear of the bike flying up into the air, pitching me headfirst into open space. I literally went ass-over-teakettle, and crashed into a tree, then a pile of rocks. The bike actually landed in front of me.

This is why we wear helmets, boys and girls.

My new friend sat on his bike, watching it happen. I staggered to my feet, helmet askew, bloody shins, and he grinned crazily, said "Wow!" and then headed back to the trail. I picked myself up, got back on the bike and took off after him. About 20 minutes later, and had a similar crash - I went flying, only this time the bike landed ON me. I eventually caught up to my "buddy," and he stopped, stared at my chest for a couple minutes and then said, amazed, "Is that... is that a tire track... on your chest?!?! I've never even heard of something like that!"

Sure enough, it was. Hey, if it was gonna happen to anyone, it was gonna happen to me. I have to admit, it was painful, brutal stuff... but I had a goddamn blast. I usually stay on the easier trails, but this was... fun. In it's own crazy, dangerous way.

Sunday I headed to out to slightly easier (translation: less dangerous) for more riding. A couple of minor crunches, but no amazing feats of crashing. I did, however, come upon some pretty stunning scenery:

Listening to: Alexi Murdoch - Dream About Flying

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Thursday's gratuitous liberalism and random movie rage

How to Win a Fight With a Conservative is the ultimate survival guide for political arguments

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Peace Patroller, also known as an anti-war liberal or neo-hippie. You believe in putting an end to American imperial conquest, stopping wars that have already been lost, and supporting our troops by bringing them home.

Wow. That's... surprisingly accurate. Found via today's Pajiba Love.

Speaking of The 'Jiba, I've got a review up today, for easily the worst movie I've seen in a long time.

Yes, this actually exists. Think of the worst thing you can imagine, multiply it by a billion.

It's worse than that.

Click here to read my rage.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Camping recap

Well, we survived our time in the wilds of New Hampshire. Actually, it was a spectacular success for the most part. Gorgeous site, great area, didn't see any people for three days. We had a few (minor!)mishaps - overshooting the turn to the trail to our campsite and hiking an unnecessary half-mile (while weighed down with about 40 pounds of gear... each). I probably tripped over tent stakes about a dozen times. I also managed to smash my shin into a downed tree and bruise myself nicely. But nothing that required stitches or hospitalization which, for those who know me, is something of a back-patworthy feat.

And before Mrs. TK starts harping about it, because I know she will, I did NOT DROP A KAYAK ON HER HEAD. SHE SLIPPED, GODDAMNIT. Don't anyone believe a word she says. She is a deceiver and spreader of lies.

Anyway. We got there Thursday afternoon, after succeeding in making the drive without the kayaks ripping the roof off the truck and causing a horror show on I-93. Hiked our gear into the site, and man... it. was. fucking. spectacular. See for yourself:

The view from the site, and me looking at that view

Kayaks and our little inlet

The view from the kayaks

We then kayaked in the remaining gear, explored a bit, and made dinner.

Day 2 consisted of a hike in the morning:

The view from the top.

Catapult in the making

Me on the move

Baby salamanders!

Freaky caterpillar

Our hike was followed by a trip in the kayaks, exploring the little network of ponds and lakes... until it started to rain. Now, some of you may remember our last little disaster of a camping trip. THIS time, we had a tent that didn't leak, so we stuck it out and actually had a great night despite the pouring rain.

Saturday, however... we were supposed to switch to another campground, since the first one wasn't available over the weekend. So we drove up to Bear Brook State Park and... it pretty much sucked. Like, really sucked. Kids everywhere, campsites right on top of each other, RV's, loud music, rednecks drinking beer at 11:00 in the morning... just the complete opposite of what our first three days of quiet bliss had been. So we said fuck it, swallowed the 20 bucks, and headed back to Massachusetts. The day wasn't a bust though - we stopped at a nearby reservation and went kayaking through a relatively unknown section of the Charles River, which was lovely.

Anyway, that's the recap. Thanks for indulging me. And once again, she slipped, goddamnit!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Out of the Office

Enjoy your week folks. Starting Thursday, I will be out of the office, away from the internet, turning off the cell phone and basically completely off the grid until Sunday evening. Mrs. TK and I are going on a little camping/kayaking adventure to Washington, NH. You all be careful, OK?

Leave a message at the beep. Peace out.


Listening to: The Go! Team - Bottle Rocket

Sunday, September 07, 2008


Yesterday I saw something the likes of which I'd never seen before. Something terrifying, yet fascinating. Something wondrous, yet horrible. Something that may well be literally evil.

Yesterday, I went to a Bass Pro Fishing Shop.

Sweet boinking piss Christ on a jelly donut.

It was... it was complete and utter spectacle. So much camo! So many fishing rods! So many... douchebags! So... many... fishing rods. So many creepy fake animals and humans posed in bizarre hunting dioramas!

What's that? Of fucking course I took pictures!

Hey brother moose! Yeah, I'm just loungin', you know, maxin'. Yourself?

Figured I'd get a little fishin' done in this creepy fake stream!

Mmm... giant floating boat... and NASCAR!

Fuck me. Please don't be real.

Yeah. It was a little weird. But, you know, a man's gotta get his ammo somewhere. I kid, of course. No, I was there to get scupper plugs for our new, super duper awesome kayaks. But still. It was a little Redneck Twilight Zone, you know. I mean, it actually seemed like by simply crossing the threshold, people developed a Southern accent. I don't say that to bash Southerners. I'm being serious. I'm in fucking Foxboro, Massachusetts and all of a sudden the Massholes are evolving... or devolving... into hicks. It was somewhat disturbing. Like a giant Target, but more rednecky.

For God's sake, there was a shewtin' range! SHEWTIN', people!

I'll tell you one thing - I was easily the darkest person in there by several shades.

Anyway, it was pretty bizarre. Almost as bizarre as this:

Hmm? What? What's that? You've never seen a giant-ass fucking CANNON on the back of a pick-up truck with a "For Sale" sign on it? In a quiet Massachusetts suburban neighborhood? (although, in truth - where would this be normal?) Well, this was around the corner from our house. I almost wanted to find out how much it went for. Almost.

I swear, the world around me is smoking toads. I'm just trying to keep up.

Anyway. Fuck it, here's the puppy.

Now playing:
Cursive - The Great Decay
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Three Days to the Weekend

Ah, the glorious three-day work week. Yes, Monday was Labor Day and Tuesday was a vacation day, as we had friends in town to visit, the super-awesome C's! A grand time was had, despite the fact that Mrs. TK and I were somewhat sick for much of the weekend. Highlights of the weekend include:

Half-drunk Trivial Pursuit that demonstrated once again that my brain does not function the way a normal brain does. For example: I roll. I land on the color blue.

Mrs. C: What color?
TK: Four.
Mrs. C, Mr. C: What?
TK: I mean ONE!
Mrs. C, Mr. C, Mrs. TK: WHAT?!?
TK: Fuck. I mean Pink!
Mrs. C, Mr. C, Mrs. TK: Holy shit.

Cue hysterical laughing.

Also, walking the Freedom Trail becomes much more amusing when it is merged with a bar crawl. I plan on doing it again some day when I'm not ill and really give it a go.

Finally, we must have watched the trailer for Bolt a half-dozen times, because that damn hamster left us in tears.

A great weekend overall.

PS - I've got today's post at The Music Is The Message. Please check it out and read about one of my absolute favorite artists ever. Click here, and thanks.

PPS - Update. I also did the 12:00 Pajiba Love entry for today, so check it out if you get bored.

Monday, September 01, 2008


Some jokes don't need punchlines.

Now playing: From Autumn to Ashes - Love It or Left It
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt. That's the first thing they teach you.

A modern classic. Read the review here.

Monday, August 18, 2008

We are in a lot of trouble.



Remain calm.

All is well.

Listening to: Thrice - The Messenger

Friday, August 15, 2008

Tremble You Weaklings, Cower in Fear

Few things:

1) I forgot to tell you a story from a couple of weeks ago. Friday, I got out of work and was heading over to a friend's house to watch some baseball. Traffic was a brute. It was hot as balls. I had brought a pair of shorts and flip-flops to change into. The car wasn't going anywhere, traffic was so bad. So, instead of melting in the front seat, I decided to just change into my shorts right there. Which, after a great deal of thrashing and bumping and accidentally honking the horn and knocking over my iced coffee, I finally succeeded in doing. It's worth mentioning that in addition to all of these goofy shenanigans, my music was blaring, so I could barely hear anything.

Anyway, I finished changing, and next thing I knew, a balled-up dollar bill came sailing through my window. I looked out and... well, there sat an SUV full of girls, laughing hysterically. I probably turned as red as I possibly can, and sheepishly offered them back their dollar. The one riding shotgun yelled out the window, "YOU EARNED IT!"



2) I've got two posts going up today. One is already up at The Music Is The Message, where I embarrass myself even more than I just did in telling that story. We've started a new Friday theme, this one being "Guilty Pleasures." Please try not to laugh too hard. We all have secrets, people. Oh, fine. Go ahead and laugh, you fucking jerks. Here's a little taste:

Finally, I've got a review going up at 1:00 on Pajiba. It's one of my all-time favorite movies, and I hope you'll enjoy it. Fortunately, this one is not embarrassing. Thank GOD. Here, I'll give you a little hint:

Have a bitchin' weekend.