Yesterday I saw something the likes of which I'd never seen before. Something terrifying, yet fascinating. Something wondrous, yet horrible. Something that may well be literally evil.
Yesterday, I went to a Bass Pro Fishing Shop.
Sweet boinking piss Christ on a jelly donut.
It was... it was complete and utter spectacle. So much camo! So many fishing rods! So many... douchebags! So... many... fishing rods. So many creepy fake animals and humans posed in bizarre hunting dioramas!
What's that? Of fucking course I took pictures!
Hey brother moose! Yeah, I'm just loungin', you know, maxin'. Yourself?
Figured I'd get a little fishin' done in this creepy fake stream!
Mmm... giant floating boat... and NASCAR!
Fuck me. Please don't be real.
Yeah. It was a little weird. But, you know, a man's gotta get his ammo somewhere. I kid, of course. No, I was there to get scupper plugs for our new, super duper awesome kayaks. But still. It was a little Redneck Twilight Zone, you know. I mean, it actually seemed like by simply crossing the threshold, people developed a Southern accent. I don't say that to bash Southerners. I'm being serious. I'm in fucking Foxboro, Massachusetts and all of a sudden the Massholes are evolving... or devolving... into hicks. It was somewhat disturbing. Like a giant Target, but more rednecky.
For God's sake, there was a shewtin' range! SHEWTIN', people!
I'll tell you one thing - I was easily the darkest person in there by several shades.
Anyway, it was pretty bizarre. Almost as bizarre as this:
Hmm? What? What's that? You've never seen a giant-ass fucking CANNON on the back of a pick-up truck with a "For Sale" sign on it? In a quiet Massachusetts suburban neighborhood? (although, in truth - where would this be normal?) Well, this was around the corner from our house. I almost wanted to find out how much it went for. Almost.
I swear, the world around me is smoking toads. I'm just trying to keep up.
Anyway. Fuck it, here's the puppy.
Now playing: Cursive - The Great Decay