Random bullshit that wastes your brain

I lived like a slug this weekend - ate too much, drank too much, slept too much. I felt like I was 22 again. Only heavier. But dammit, when the weather is as crappy as it's been, what the hell else am I gonna do? I also watched Crank, starring Jason Statham. I'm trying to figure out if it's brilliant or terrible. One thing's for sure, it's not boring. Anyway, because I have nothing better to do, I'm doing one of those obligatory facts-about-the-blogger posts. Here we go, random bullshit about me:

1. I'm turning 32 in two months. Somebody get me some Vicks Vap-O-Rub. And plaid pants. And goddammit, get off my lawn!
   
2. I've been married four years. But we started dating 12 years ago. Jesus.
   
3. The only US states I've actually visited are all of New England, New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Washington DC, Michigan, Indiana, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Ohio, California and Nevada. As you can see, I confine myself to certain regions. I've been to Florida once, but otherwise I'm scared of the south.
4. Countries I've been to: USA, Canada, South Africa, England and Jamaica. Not terribly worldly, I know.
   
5. Despite living here for more than 20 years, and speaking no language other than English, I am not an American citizen.
6. People tell me that I'm big, but I rarely see myself that way. I'm 6'3" and weigh 210 pounds. I know, I know. Interestingly, when I graduated high school I was 6'2" and weighed 145. I was a skinny mutant freakazoid.
   
7. My favorite movie of all time is Big Trouble in Little China. I didn't say it's the best movie of all time. I said it's my favorite. Second is Ghostbusters.
8. My favorite TV shows are Entourage and The Wire. Actually, they're my favorites by default - they're the only shows I watch.
9. Leading into: I watch almost no television. Right now I watch maybe 2.5 hours per week. That goes up in baseball season. By a lot.
10. If I could pick three places to be on a summer day in Massachusetts, they would be, in order, on a boat in Scituate harbor, at a daytime Red Sox game, or grilling in my back yard.
11. I have seven pets. Yes. Read it again, it still says seven.
12. I have one sibling. My sister, who is 36.
13. My two greatest fears are death of loved ones and fires. I'm terrified of my house burning down.
    
14. I don't believe in God, fate or destiny. However, I do believe that if I don't wear my Troy Brown jersey while the Patriots play and I'm watching at Tim's house, they will lose. Similarly, I believe that I cannot wear it at home, but I must wear my Patriots hat. I believe my wife is bad luck and cannot watch games with her. I am deadly serious about this.
15. Speaking of pets, here are all of the types of pets I've had, by number, over the course of my life: 8 cats, 3 dogs, 1 snake, 2 lizards, many fish, 3 frogs, 1 toad, 2 turtles, 1 tortoise, 3 parakeets, 2 chickens, 3 ducks, 2 lovebirds, 1 rat, 1 hamster, 2 gerbils, and 1 guinea pig.
    
16. I have several addictions in life. Some of them are: smoking, music, movies and sex. Not in that order.
17. There are approximately 25,000 songs in my iTunes folder.
18. I drink but rarely get drunk. I've mastered the maintenance buzz, which makes my mornings much easier.
19. I have not tried crack or heroin. Unfortunately, I think that's the end of the list of drugs I haven't tried. On the bright side, booze and occasionally grass are all that I partake in now.
20. When I was a seven, I was obsessed with having my clothes match, and used to wear blue shirts, pants, socks and shoes regularly. Because I was a freak show.
21. Some jobs I have had, not counting this one: Property Manager, Homeless Shelter manager, receptionist, construction worker, cafeteria dishwasher, coffee shop, factory assembly line, paper boy.
22. I have studied four languages, and cannot read, write or speak any of them. French, Spanish, Latin and Afrikaans.
23. I am incapable of going to the beach and not going in the water, unless it is wintertime. My love for the ocean is exceeded by few other things. I've vowed to never live on a non-coastal state ever again.
24. I come from a pretty tall family. My sister is six feet even. My mom is the shortest at 5'9".
    
25. My first girlfriend was 5'11". The next was 5'9". My first college girlfriend was 5'8". My wife is 5'3". My parents are horrified that we might have wee runty little kids. I am too.
26. In all honesty, some of the greatest days of my life were: The day I got married, the day Nelson Mandela was released from prison, and the day the Red Sox won the World Series.
27. The worst day of my life was the day my parents moved back to South Africa.
28. The only foods I refuse to eat are pickles and olives. I will literally try anything once. And I mean anything.
    
29. I used to have four ear piercings. Now I have none.
30. I have four tattoos - one on each arm, one on my ankle, and a large one on my back. I got them at ages 19, 20, 21 and 31.
31. Between the ages of 12 and 14, I broke six bones and two teeth, over the course of 3 incidents.
32. One of the incidents was when I broke my thumb in history class. Yes, you read that correctly. The rest were bicycle accidents.
33. I cannot justify spending more than $40 on any single item of clothing, except possibly for shoes or jackets. However, I will spend $75 at a book store without blinking.
34. I once dyed my hair purple. I was in my punk-rock high school phase, and it went with my Misfits t-shirt, multiple piercings and combat boots combo. I bought all my clothes at Army-Navy stores.
35. Now I shop at Old Navy and dress like my dad. Though, to be fair, my dad is pretty cool.
    
36. I moved to the suburbs and promptly became obsessed with my lawn. It's creepy and strange and I can't... stop... fertilizing... send help!
37. I am terrible at baseball but very good at Wiffleball. I suck at pool and foosball but am excellent at darts.
38. I suck at tying my shoes.
39. I can't drive a stick-shift. I simply never learned.
40. I think Oprah is a sign of a world gone mad. Also Nancy Grace, Lindsay Lohan, Dick Cheney and Rachael Ray. They are all people drunk with power. Or in some cases, just drunk.

That's all for now. Have a splendiferous day.