Revenge of the Random Bullshit

The weekend was a hit all around. Chinese New Year was amazing - the food, the friends, the whole endeavor. I cannot recommend King Fung Garden highly enough. Don't be dissuaded by the fact that it looks like a dump from the outside (and the inside is pretty shabby too). The food was wonderful. Otherwise, the weekend was laid back and fun.

I watched Little Miss Sunshine again, and realized that a) it's a great, quirky, sweet and funny movie, and b) I have no idea how it got nominated for Best Picture. I mean, compared to the other two contenders I've seen (The Departed and Letters From Iwo Jima), it's a flyweight fighting in the heavyweight division.


I also finished Season 2 of The Wire, which wasn't as compelling as the first season, but still good. I ordered Season 3, which is where the show is supposed to really hit it's stride. It's an amazing show anyway, though it can get depressing in how realistic it is - the bad guys never really get caught, because the system is so fucked up it ultimately works in their favor more than for the cops. But if you want a truly gritty, realistic police procedural, you're doing yourself a disservice by not watching it.


And to wrap things up - some absolute lunacy. To quote Turkey Creek Jack Johnson : "I ain't got the words".... so simply watch it.



Yeah. It's like that.

Random bullshit strikes again

Several fun things have happened recently, but not all of them are worth writing about.

I helped a friend move on Saturday, which was the most fun I've ever had participating in such a thing. It helped that we were drunk for the bulk of it. And that a friend got us uniforms. I might post the pictures later, for sheer comedic value. We look like either action heroes or a traveling circus band.

Like this. But juuust a little different.

Friday night I saw Letters From Iwo Jima, which is absolutely amazing. Fuckin' Clint Eastwood is ambitious as hell, but damn if it didn't pay off. It gives a stunning glimpse into what life was like for "real" Japanese soldiers during WWII, showing them as something beyond crazy kamikaze samurais. It shows them as real people, and it's not always easy to watch. And the Battle of Iwo Jima is a fascinating, amazing, and sad moment in the war.


I also rented a couple movies yesterday, to recuperate from the drunken moving: Miami Vice and The Descent.

Miami Vice was unbelievably disappointing. I'm a big Michael Mann fan, and while I'm ok with the idea of de-cheesing the series, updating it for modern times - I'm not a fan of simply making it boring. And sadly, that's what it was. Plodding and uninteresting. Sad, really. Two more things: did we really need two shower scenes with Foxx and Farrell (I mean separate. They weren't showering together). And, for fuck's sake, take off the damn sunglasses.

Sucked

The Descent is awesome. It's a great turn-the-lights-out horror movie. Filmed with almost no artificial light, only the flashlights of the spelunkers, it's an amazing feat. Well acted, by a group of women I've never heard of. It is, at times, brutal. B-r-u-t-a-l. Get the one with the UK ending, and it will blow you away. And make sure you have decent surround sound - since so much of it is in darkness, having good sound is vital to the experience. It's directed by Neil Marshall, who did the underrated, clever and very fun Dog Soldiers*. Give that a shot too, it's a werewolf movie, but one of the few recent good ones.

Awesome

Finally, Thursday night was when I realized my job isn't always that great. My phone rang at 3:00 in the morning. I answered, and:

Caller: Mr. TK?
TK: mmmf
Caller: This is the answering service. I have Police and Fire on the line, there's an emergency at one of the developments and they require access.
TK: mmmf... ok.
Caller: Can you call them back when you've dispatched someone with an ETA?
TK: You got it.

Now. I don't know about you, gentle reader, by I am absolute luggage at 3:00 AM. Especially in a crisis situation. So I stumble out of my room, stagger down the stairs, and then... I think I blacked out. Then I realized that I am standing in my study, in nothing but boxers, carrying my cell phone, with the back door to the yard open. And I have no idea what I am doing. Nor do I have any clue what I'm supposed to do. I'm literally completely bewildered. I'm like George Bush at the State of the Union.

Like this. But nekkid. And darker. And sleepy.

Finally I realize I need to get a night crew guy on the phone. So I stagger out to my car (in boxers, in 20 degree weather), grab my phone list, stagger back in, call the guy, drag his ass out of bed (sorry!) and send him in. Call the cops back, mumble my way through some instructions, and collapse.

Fun stuff.

* Incidentally, in case anyone cares: There have been exactly six good werewolf movies in the last 30 years: An American Werewolf in London, The Howling, Brotherhood of the Wolf (or Le Pacte Des Loupes), Wolfen, Ginger Snaps, and Dog Soldiers. Seriously. That's it.

Even More Random Bullshit

Well, remember when I was bitching because they never closed school when I was in Madison?

Apparently they've done it now. It's -30 there. My friend Dan says his dog's eyes are freezing shut when he takes him for a walk.

My eternal question: Why haven't you moved, Danny Boy?

And yes, the Colts won yesterday. Let's all just shut the hell up and move on, shall we? Congrats, Lora. The game was pretty weak. I mean, my wife and I both like football, but by the 4th quarter I was asleep and she was knitting.

Some may be wondering why I haven't posted anything about the Great Lite-Brite Scare of 2007. I have abstained because it makes me too angry to think coherently. If you think Oprah Winfrey, government budget cuts and the weather make me rant and swear uncontrollably... brother, you ain't seen nothin' yet.



Let's just say this: It fucked up traffic for hours, made our esteemed mayor look like an asshole, and made me hate the world for a little while. But the guys responsible are hysterically funny, so at least we've got that going for us. Anyway, Chez at Deus Ex Malcontent posted more cleverly than I was able to about, so read his thoughts here. And for more on the culprits heroes of the day, click on Matt's piece here. Assuming you can get past his rampant, deviant pseudo-intellectualism.

That's gotta break my record for links in a post. Man, I'm tired.

Finally, some video. I never thought I'd ever post a video of a commercial, but this is probably my all-time favorite. I saw it once years ago, and never saw it again. It was almost an urban legend for a while. But thanks to the wonders of Youtube, here it is, making with the funny. One word of caution - for some reason, this clip is kind of loud.


"itchy rashes, full body hair loss, projectile vomiting, gigantic eyeball, the condition known as 'hot dog fingers,' children born with the head of a golden retriever, seeing the dead, bone liquification, possession by the Prince of Darkness, tail growth, elderly pregnancy..."

Awesome.

Random bullshit that wastes your brain

I lived like a slug this weekend - ate too much, drank too much, slept too much. I felt like I was 22 again. Only heavier. But dammit, when the weather is as crappy as it's been, what the hell else am I gonna do? I also watched Crank, starring Jason Statham. I'm trying to figure out if it's brilliant or terrible. One thing's for sure, it's not boring. Anyway, because I have nothing better to do, I'm doing one of those obligatory facts-about-the-blogger posts. Here we go, random bullshit about me:

1. I'm turning 32 in two months. Somebody get me some Vicks Vap-O-Rub. And plaid pants. And goddammit, get off my lawn!
   
2. I've been married four years. But we started dating 12 years ago. Jesus.
   
3. The only US states I've actually visited are all of New England, New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Washington DC, Michigan, Indiana, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Ohio, California and Nevada. As you can see, I confine myself to certain regions. I've been to Florida once, but otherwise I'm scared of the south.
4. Countries I've been to: USA, Canada, South Africa, England and Jamaica. Not terribly worldly, I know.
   
5. Despite living here for more than 20 years, and speaking no language other than English, I am not an American citizen.
6. People tell me that I'm big, but I rarely see myself that way. I'm 6'3" and weigh 210 pounds. I know, I know. Interestingly, when I graduated high school I was 6'2" and weighed 145. I was a skinny mutant freakazoid.
   
7. My favorite movie of all time is Big Trouble in Little China. I didn't say it's the best movie of all time. I said it's my favorite. Second is Ghostbusters.
8. My favorite TV shows are Entourage and The Wire. Actually, they're my favorites by default - they're the only shows I watch.
9. Leading into: I watch almost no television. Right now I watch maybe 2.5 hours per week. That goes up in baseball season. By a lot.
10. If I could pick three places to be on a summer day in Massachusetts, they would be, in order, on a boat in Scituate harbor, at a daytime Red Sox game, or grilling in my back yard.
11. I have seven pets. Yes. Read it again, it still says seven.
12. I have one sibling. My sister, who is 36.
13. My two greatest fears are death of loved ones and fires. I'm terrified of my house burning down.
    
14. I don't believe in God, fate or destiny. However, I do believe that if I don't wear my Troy Brown jersey while the Patriots play and I'm watching at Tim's house, they will lose. Similarly, I believe that I cannot wear it at home, but I must wear my Patriots hat. I believe my wife is bad luck and cannot watch games with her. I am deadly serious about this.
15. Speaking of pets, here are all of the types of pets I've had, by number, over the course of my life: 8 cats, 3 dogs, 1 snake, 2 lizards, many fish, 3 frogs, 1 toad, 2 turtles, 1 tortoise, 3 parakeets, 2 chickens, 3 ducks, 2 lovebirds, 1 rat, 1 hamster, 2 gerbils, and 1 guinea pig.
    
16. I have several addictions in life. Some of them are: smoking, music, movies and sex. Not in that order.
17. There are approximately 25,000 songs in my iTunes folder.
18. I drink but rarely get drunk. I've mastered the maintenance buzz, which makes my mornings much easier.
19. I have not tried crack or heroin. Unfortunately, I think that's the end of the list of drugs I haven't tried. On the bright side, booze and occasionally grass are all that I partake in now.
20. When I was a seven, I was obsessed with having my clothes match, and used to wear blue shirts, pants, socks and shoes regularly. Because I was a freak show.
21. Some jobs I have had, not counting this one: Property Manager, Homeless Shelter manager, receptionist, construction worker, cafeteria dishwasher, coffee shop, factory assembly line, paper boy.
22. I have studied four languages, and cannot read, write or speak any of them. French, Spanish, Latin and Afrikaans.
23. I am incapable of going to the beach and not going in the water, unless it is wintertime. My love for the ocean is exceeded by few other things. I've vowed to never live on a non-coastal state ever again.
24. I come from a pretty tall family. My sister is six feet even. My mom is the shortest at 5'9".
    
25. My first girlfriend was 5'11". The next was 5'9". My first college girlfriend was 5'8". My wife is 5'3". My parents are horrified that we might have wee runty little kids. I am too.
26. In all honesty, some of the greatest days of my life were: The day I got married, the day Nelson Mandela was released from prison, and the day the Red Sox won the World Series.
27. The worst day of my life was the day my parents moved back to South Africa.
28. The only foods I refuse to eat are pickles and olives. I will literally try anything once. And I mean anything.
    
29. I used to have four ear piercings. Now I have none.
30. I have four tattoos - one on each arm, one on my ankle, and a large one on my back. I got them at ages 19, 20, 21 and 31.
31. Between the ages of 12 and 14, I broke six bones and two teeth, over the course of 3 incidents.
32. One of the incidents was when I broke my thumb in history class. Yes, you read that correctly. The rest were bicycle accidents.
33. I cannot justify spending more than $40 on any single item of clothing, except possibly for shoes or jackets. However, I will spend $75 at a book store without blinking.
34. I once dyed my hair purple. I was in my punk-rock high school phase, and it went with my Misfits t-shirt, multiple piercings and combat boots combo. I bought all my clothes at Army-Navy stores.
35. Now I shop at Old Navy and dress like my dad. Though, to be fair, my dad is pretty cool.
    
36. I moved to the suburbs and promptly became obsessed with my lawn. It's creepy and strange and I can't... stop... fertilizing... send help!
37. I am terrible at baseball but very good at Wiffleball. I suck at pool and foosball but am excellent at darts.
38. I suck at tying my shoes.
39. I can't drive a stick-shift. I simply never learned.
40. I think Oprah is a sign of a world gone mad. Also Nancy Grace, Lindsay Lohan, Dick Cheney and Rachael Ray. They are all people drunk with power. Or in some cases, just drunk.

That's all for now. Have a splendiferous day.

Random things I fell in love with this week...

In no particular order of coolness, some new, some old:

1. The Wire. My boss has been raving about it for weeks, especially since much of it is filmed in Baltimore public housing. And while we are not in Baltimore, my work does invlove public housing. A friend gave season one to me for Christmas and I am steadily ripping through it.
2. Eggnog. It's a seasonal love affair that rears it's head each year. The trick to successful boozy nog is not too much booze. Just a little splash of rum and kapow! Holiday tastiness ensues. Oddly, Blogger doesn't recognize the word "nog".
   
3. Lucero. Raspy, bluesy, roadhouse music. Trust me.
4. Dunproofin. Some of the better mashups I've stumbled across. Also, Lenlow. Hopefully, they don't mind me linking to them.
5. Corduroys. I don't care if I look like a 6' 2" nine-year old. Those fuckers are comfy.
6. Sweet potato curry. Two things I would never have thought to put together, but the end result is superb.
7. My new boots. Interestingly, I learned that the days of just buying snow boots or work boots are past. I wanted boots that were a) waterproof, and b)insulated. I got boots that are waterproof, insulated, oil resistant, shock resistant(shock as in zzzap!, not shock as in "Oh my!"), anti-skid and I believe the treads are made out of teeny tiny billy goats. Incidentally, this purchase will lead to a fascinating blog posting, as the trip was weird and funny.
   
8. Global warming. Well, not really. But there's something to be said for going out in December in New England wearing jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt and being perfectly comfortable. So what if 20 years from now we have to live underwater or on the moon. The downside is that there is now little reason for me to wear the aforementioned boots. Nor use my new snowblower.
   
9. Jose's Mexican restaurant in North Cambridge. Tiny little place next to a railroad track that has phenomenal service, excellent authentic Mexican food, and a margarita that'll make you see Jesus.
10. Watching my three-legged beagle try to do the high-five trick.