Future: Unknown

As you've all probably figured out (the four or five of you that keep reading this site), I've become nothing short of hopeless at keeping this blog active. It's a combination of things - between real life, work, marriage, dogs, cycling, and generally enjoying life, as well as writing for Pajiba and (hopefully) continuing to write about music, I simply don't have the time.

Which sucks, because I love this blog. It's what got me started. I met some good... no, great because of it. I've done a surprising amount of soul-baring on it, some of which was so intense that I eventually went back and removed it - there are some things that should remain mine, I suppose. It helped me find a home at Pajiba, and introduced me to dozens, if not hundreds, of new people. I was surprised at the amount of attention it got - little by major blogging standards, but considering it was nothing more than stories about me hurting myself and pictures of my dogs, that was quite a shock.

But as of late, I've been neglecting the ol' Meat Factory. Which leads me to think that it might be time to let it die. I mean, we're in the 40th week of 2009, and this will be my 21st post. There was a time when I'd write 21 posts in a single month... but then again, I had a lot more spare time back then.

So it's not official yet, but it probably will be soon. We'll see.

Then again, you always know where to find me.

He's a big dumb animal, folks

Sooo, yeah. It's not dead yet, this blog-type thing of mine. Not sure what the future holds for it, because between Facebook and Pajiba and everything else, I'm running out of things to write about. But I figured I'd let folks in on a little fun... and not-fun... that I had this weekend.

Went camping! Camping's always fun! Nothing ever goes wrong, right? And for two days, that was true. Hiking, sleeping in tents, throwing rocks in the river, watching my friends fall in said river, etc., etc. Oh, and drinking. There was a good bit of drinking.

Made it through two and a half days without injury or falling in the river. Saturday, we're hiking down the streambed, jumping across rocks, navigating around fallen trees, stuff like that. It was quite lovely, having a great time, until... I duck my head under a tree branch and feel something hit my head. Followed by a buzzing. Then a white-hot stabbing pain in my ear. Then my hand. Then it gets worse. I yell and scream, slapping at myself, and stagger back.

Wasps. I hit my head on a goddamn motherfucking wasp's nest.

Got stung once on the ear, once on the right arm, and five times on the left arm. Yeah. Seven times total. No bad reaction, other than a few welts that went away within 24 hours, racing adrenaline, and a complete lack of dignity. Man, those fuckers hurt.



Egads.

So, that's what I've been up to. You know, the usual.

Actually, there is something somewhat important. I'm doing a charity bike ride to support lung cancer research and awareness in October, and I need to raise some money for it. So if it's not too much trouble, click here and donate some, will ya? Or if you're a cheap bastard, then go to hell.

No, no, I didn't mean that.

Well, sort of.

Whatever. Click. Donate. Thank you.

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Now playing: Lamb Of God - Contractor
via FoxyTunes

The Greatest Film Ever Created

OK, maybe not. But still, I reviewed it. Please to enjoy by doing the clicking here.

That is all.

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Now playing: Powerman 5000 - Swim With The Sharks
via FoxyTunes

Why It's Good That I'm Not Single

Sooo... a story or two for y'all. Wednesday night, after a looooong ass day at work, I met a friend at the Paradise Rock Club in Boston to see the phenomenal Southern Culture on the Skids, as well as Los Straightjackets. The show was fantastic - Los Straightjackets were... well... They only speak spanish. And they wear suits. And Lucha Libre masks. And play instrumental surf guitar rock. And they kicked ass.


Yup. Awesome.

SCOTS was similarly excellent. But of course, that's not why I'm here today...

So. I'm standing there with my friend J, drinking a beer, bobbing my head and tapping my feet, when someone bumps into me. I turn to my left, and a girl looks at me and smiles. I promptly drop my beer onto the floor. Then I give one of those not-quite-laughs-more-like-the-cackle-of-a-mental-patient things. I pick up my beer (it was a can, thankfully). Try to drink some. Spill it on my shirt.

Needless to say, she looks mildly terrified and slowly starts to move away from me. And not just because of the puddle of Pabst that is slowly creeping towards her feet.

Sigh.

Eventually, we move to the other side of the club. J is a couple of steps in front of me, getting down and boogying. A different girl is walking past me. I step on her foot by accident. And this was even weirder. She stops, looks at me. I raise my hands and mouth "Sorry 'bout that."

You'd expect that she would either a) nod in acceptance and move on, or b) get pissy. Well, no. She for some reason opted for c) - wrap her arms around me and kiss me on the neck. I backpedaled frantically until I bumped into the bar. She untangles herself, looks at me cockeyed, and walks away. Minutes later, I tell J this story and he says, "You stepped on her foot and she tried to make out with you? Is that all it takes these days?"

Weird. Very, very weird.

Anyway. Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

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Now playing: The Sword - Lament for the Aurochs
via FoxyTunes

Consider me stunned

I'm not even close to a Ben Folds fan... nor an A Cappella fan. Yet I reviewed the album that combines the two. Sometimes, I'm woefully unqualified for my job.



Anyway, click here for the review of Ben Folds Presents University A Cappella.

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Now playing: Ben Folds Presents: The Sacramento State Jazz Singers - Selfless, Cold and Composed (University A Cappella Version) [Explicit]
via FoxyTunes

Help Stop the Bleeding

OK, OK, OK... so I haven't posted in a while. And by "in a while," I mean "since friggin' March." What can I say. I've been busy, between work and not-work and Pajiba and, you know, stuff. I'm trying to spend less time on the internet, now that the weather has changed for the better. We'll see how successful that is. BUT, that does sorta kind serve as a good segue into today's topic which is...

Your money. Specifically, I need you to give it to someone, for something important. My good buddy Virgil, of My Taste in Wine Leans Towards Vodka (a top contender for best blog name ever), is training for a charity bicycle ride to benefit people and kids with hemophilia. It's an important cause, and Virg is putting himself through hell to train for it. Why, you ask? Well, because it's no ordinary bike ride. It's the California Coastal Ride, and it's a week long. And it's almost 700 miles long.

Seven. Hundred. Miles. Long.

Yeah, I know. He's insane, and possibly on crack. Or both, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm a pretty avid cyclist, but I got tired just writing that. I rode 40 miles last weekend, and kind of wanted to die, so 700 miles is flat-out crazy. But, Virg was one of the big motivators who helped me become addicted to get into biking. I went from an out of shape slob to a slightly less out of shape slob, thanks in no small part to his advice, recommendations, and support. So I owe him big time.

That, coupled with the fact that it's an incredibly worthy cause (he was inspired by another rider friend of his, whose son has hemophilia). So, it's a good cause, and it helps kids. Which means you should help out, however you can, otherwise you hate children and the future. And the earth. And you don't want to be that person, do you?

Anyway, read Virg's post about it here, and then click over to here and donate, damnit! Yeah, I know, global economy in the tank, blah blah blah. I don't want to hear it. I said donate!

That's all for now. I hope you all are well.

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Now playing: The Legendary Shack Shakers - Help Me
via FoxyTunes

Farewell

Rest in peace, Amanda (aka Alabama Pink).



I'm not great at eulogizing, so I'll leave it up to those more eloquent than I. Please click here. And here. And here. And here. And here. And most of all here, but... steady yourself before clicking on that one.

Finally, our Pajiba tribute is here.

Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record:

You're so cool.

You're so cool.

You're so cool.

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Now playing: Gaslight Anthem - Even Cowgirls Get The Blues
via FoxyTunes

Back From Tejas

Well, actually, I got back on Tuesday, but the last two days have been recovery days. Sweet mercy, what a trip. Easily one of the top five vacations ever. The Pajibites are the absolute balls, and we had a great time. Sure, I didn't see much music or movies, which, considering that it's a music and movie festival, is a little weird, but whatever.

Things I did do:

Get raving drunk. Repeatedly.

Eat a minimum of 7 burritos in four days.

Eat my weight in barbecue.

Avoid hard liquor, except for a couple of Jameson's with the Boozehound, Ted Boynton.

Get a new tattoo. My first impulse tattoo in a long time, and I love it. I was like the Pied Piper of tattoos - next thing you know, four others in our group had 'em as well. I take no responsibility, and will not accept angry phone calls from wives and/or mothers.

Saw Sam Raimi's upcoming horror flick, Drag Me To Hell. It was fantastic. Phenomenal. Scary and hilarious. I literally yelped at one point, much to the amusement of those around me (shut up, Henry). Anyway, I might review it for the site when it comes out, but either way, I look forward to seeing it again.

Words cannot convey the awesomeness

Anyway, that's the short version. It was exhausting, but great. Oh, and in case anyone's curious -- every news post I wrote for Pajiba this week, I wrote while drunk.

I think I need to dry out for a while.

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Now playing: ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - Days of Being Wild
via FoxyTunes

Greetings from Texas!

Well, day one of my time at SXSW is now behind me. It's been... hectic. In a good way.

Friday night I went out with Mrs. TK and some friends for a fantastic dinner and drinks evening (to celebrate my birfday on Saturday), part of which included, I kid you not, grasshopper empanadas. With actual grasshoppers. They were goddamn delicious, so "ewww" all you want. Of course, we got home late, which made the fact that I had to be up at 3:30 AM the following morning all the more brutal.

But I soldiered through it, and with a surprisingly debacle-free journey, made it to Austin on time. One thing I did NOT realize until I was in the airport in Boston - it's Spring Break. Holy fuck. What a nightmare. 1000's of college kids swarming the airports, like hormonal locusts with poor diction. It was pretty crazy.



Anyway. Austin. I've yet to see any movies or music acts, but that's because for me yesterday was a mostly getting-to-know-you kind of day. Actually, a better description would be that it was a getting-to-know-you-by-getting-completely-shitbombed-with-you kind of day. But most of the Pajiba writers were there - Prisco, Rowles, Nosek, ShepRitz, Boozehound/Boynton, Freilich and Stephens. It was, in short, a fucking blast. I ate nothing but burritos for three meals (what? I like burritos, OK? DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!), drank... um... a bit, and a grand time was had by all. Got to meet a couple of Pajiba readers, who were awesome. Went to a dirt-hole of a karaoke bar and witnessed the glory of ShepRitz and Prisco singing "Bust a Move" and Dustin belting out a howlingly drunken rendition of "Sweet Caroline," complete with all of us providing backing vocals. It was quite a scene.

Anyway, that was Austin in brief. It's been grand. On today's docket: going to Ginny's Little Longhorn Saloon to see Dale Watson, as well as possibly play chickenshit bingo. What's that, you ask?



Yeah. I'm excited about it too. Tonight, I might catch a movie. Or I might just fire down some bbq and some cheap Texas beer and have a goddamned ball. Either way, I'm happy.

Movies and Music and Jobs and More Music

Some stuff rattling around right now:

First, I wrote an article on Pajiba on my favorite instrumental songs. That is to say, not my favorite pieces, but my favorite songs by bands that usually sing, but in this instance, didn't. Oh, shut up and go read it. CLICK, punks!

Second, I'm hiring again. I'm mired in resumes, and it's fucking exhausting. I can't even begin to tell you how tiring it is. I was briefly toying with doing another goofy-assed resume post, but... it's different this time. It's actually really depressing this time around, because I know a lot of these applicants just lost their jobs to layoffs and downsizing and all the other casualties of a Bush-botched economy. So it's harder to take the usual amount of glee that I once did in reviewing them. I mean, this is an entry-level position. The last time I posted for it, I got about 25 responses. This time? 120. Most of them people completely unqualified, or worse, completely overqualified. It's pretty sad stuff. And thus, I'm not going to make a mockery of those people, even if they'll never know. It just wouldn't feel right. Sorry.

Third, SOUTH BY FUCKING SOUTHWEST!! For those who don't know, SXSW is a weeklong music and movie festival in Austin, TX, and I am going. On Saturday.

My broke ass could only afford to go for four days, but it should be a riotous four days. I'm meeting most of the Pajiba folks there, and it should be a rocking good time.

That's about it. Hell, that's quite a bit. Oh, I've got an album review going up tomorrow, too, so check Pajiba around noon for that tomorrow.

Adios.

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Now playing: Tommy Guerrero - organism
via FoxyTunes

Take a hike, Lynda Carter

Because my geekiness knows no limit, I wrote a review of the new Wonder Woman animated movie over at Pajiba.

Oh, fucking shut it.



Click here for the review.

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Now playing: The Receiving End of Sirens - War of All Against All
via FoxyTunes

When all else fails... puppies

Kneel before the cuteness:






I mean, seriously now. That's just freakin' ridiculous.

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Now playing: William Elliott Whitmore - There's Hope For You
via FoxyTunes

God and Cowboys

In an unusual turn of events, I'm going to church tonight.

I realize this isn't that odd for many people, but for me it's pretty damn (oops!) unusual. But my uncle, who is one of my favorite uncles, recently moved here from South Africa. He's an Anglican priest and tonight, Ash Wednesday, he's giving his first service since he moved here. It's a big deal, and thus, I'm going. More as a show of support than because I've had some sort of religious epiphany.



In fact, not counting weddings, I haven't been inside a church since... 1993. In fact, that time was to see this same uncle. My mother and I had gone back to Cape Town to visit, and he invited us to go. It was... intense. A big reason for that intensity is that this was when Cape Town was still in the throes of Apartheid, and the day we arrived, Chris Hani, who was the leader of the South African Communist party, was assassinated, and as such the country was in even more turmoil than usual.

I suspect this will be far less intense and environment. But the truth is, I'm not a believer. I truly, honestly do not believe in a higher power, of any sort. So I always feel somewhat out of place in church, as if I'm invading somehow. I know that's not the way the other churchgoers feel, but it's inescapable to me. Anyway, I'm actually really looking forward to it. It's somewhat odd that I, a die-hard, unapologetic atheist, would be so close with so spiritual a man. Yet here we are. Some of the best, most interesting and intriguing conversations I've ever had have been with my uncle, so I always look forward to seeing him, regardless of the setting.

In anyway event, that's happening.

By the way - last week in Puerto Rico? Fabulous. Absolutely goddamn fantastic.

Finally, I wrote a review of Ben Nichols' album, The Last Pale Light In The West, that went up today. Click here to read it.

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Now playing: Ben Nichols - Davy Brown
via FoxyTunes

He's a big dumb animal, folks

Three things:

1) I went to a pretty good show on Friday night. Primarily I went to see a band called Warship, whose album Supply and Depend was one of my favorites of last year. They opened for a really bizarre, black-robe-wearing, sword-and-sorcery singing band called Goblin Cock. No, I am not making that up. Both acts were really good, and as an added bonus, the third band, Big Bear, ended up surprising me to the extent that their album has now made it into steady rotation with me. I also ran into two different guys from my high school, which was too bizarre to comprehend.

2) Today's been a relatively busy day -- I did a bunch of work outside, now that much of the snow has finally melted. Then, I went to WalMart (ah, cram it). Yeah, this is gonna be one of those stories...

So we have a cat, named Oliver, pictured to the left, who is diabetic. As a result, he needs daily shots of insulin. We're running out of insulin syringes, so off I go to the WalMart pharmacy to get them. For whatever reason, I'm getting some odd looks from the other customers, but whatever. I get up to the counter, give them the namem and after giving me the stink eye momentarily, the pharmacist gets my box. I pay, I grab the box, and turn to leave... not realizing that the person behind me is standing awfully close to me. Anyway, I knock into her a little, and drop my stuff, and knock her crap (some tylenol, a bag of cookies, and some shitty looking romance novel) out of her hands as well. Next thing I know, I'm on my hands and knees, apologizing profusely, stammering and sweating as I do when I'm embarassed. The woman, and the pharmacist, is looking at me like I just exposed myself. That's when I sort of take it in... I'm kind of busted-looking. I haven't shaved in a couple of days, I certainly haven't showered today, I'm wearing a hideous (but ridiculously comfy) green hoodie that's basically covered in cat hair because one of the cats slept on it and I usually don't wear it out of the house, a beat-up Guinness baseball cap, and cargo pants that have what looks suspiciously like dog poo on one knee (like I said, I was working in the yard).

Clearly, I did not take the time to examine my appearance before I left. I realize now that's a step I should have included in my routine. I've learned from it. Let's move on.

So. There I am. Scrambling around, stuttering, dirty, with a box of spilled syringes on the floor of a WalMart. People are staring at me like I'm some sort of borderline-psychotic skeevy druggie. Awesome. I briefly consider screaming, "DON'T YOU JUDGE ME! MY CAT HAS DIABEETUS! DO YOU WANT HIM TO DIE?! DO YOU?!" But I don't, because there's no need to add WalMart to the already somewhat lengthy list of places I've been forcibly removed from.

Sigh. I need a vacation.

Oh, that's right. That leads us to number 3:

Did I mention we're going to the Caribbean tomorrow? No? Oh. Well, we are. So I'll be off the grid for a few days as I swim, bask in the sun, and drown myself in rum. Have a good week folks!



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Now playing: Jaguar Love - bats over the pacific ocean
via FoxyTunes

The Shape of Things to Come

It is currently almost 60 degrees outside, sunny and beautiful. It's a preview of things to come, in the midst of a particularly rough winter. I went for a lovely walk during lunch, and it was gorgeous outside. Unfortunately, it just made going back to work worse. With that in mind, real quick-like, here are the things I'd rather be doing:

1) Hiking with Mrs. TK and the hounds

2) On my new bike, flying around as fast as I can

3) Sitting on the back porch, cold beer in hand, watching the dogs rumble



4) Sitting on Ervie's patio, watching the ships pass by in the harbor

5) Two words: Hammock. Nap.

*sigh*

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Now playing: Cee-Lo - All Day Love Affair
via FoxyTunes

Stay Away

IM debacle that just took place between me and Ervie, who is contributing to an upcoming piece for Pajiba Music:

me: well, allow to toss another wrench into them there works

(allow ME)

Ervie: okay.

11:39 AM me: guitar solos? yay or nay? no big deal either way, but I need something done today.

Ervie: oh, fuck...

me: holy fuck. that was some no shit rhyming

Ervie: indeed!

me: anyway

FUCK

Ervie: gimme a little bit.

me: i can't stop!

11:40 AM Ervie: I can pull it together.

me: THIS IS SO... GAY!

okay

yay

kill me

Ervie: to-DAY?

me: GAH!

Ervie: in what way?

just kill or slay?

11:41 AM Ervie: please god go away

this is totally going on the blog

Yeah, so... not getting a lot done today.

DAMMIT!!

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Now playing: R.L. Burnside - Please Don't Stay
via FoxyTunes

Glam metal and porn!

As usual, just a quick update:

First, please read the companion piece to last week's The Golden Age of Metal on Pajiba. Here it is, The Dark Age of Metal. Look upon it, and tremble...



And just for ha ha's: PG Porn!

Nailing Your Wife | Girls | SPIKE.com

And...

Roadside Ass-sistance | Girls | SPIKE.com

Ah, Nathan Fillion. Is there anything you can't do?

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Now playing: Mr. Bungle - The Girls Of Porn
via FoxyTunes

Metal Militia!

I wrote an entire article on heavy metal from 1983-1991.

I probably should see some sort of specialist. Anyway, here it is.



Rock on.

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Now playing: A Static Lullaby - Everybody's Got a Lil' Fonz n' em
via FoxyTunes

Whole lotta stuff goin' on

So I'll be brief.



Today has been a shit day because everyone is stupid. Everyone. Yes, you too. I'm literally blaming every single person on the planet for being stupid. I hate you all.

Not you, honey.

Anyway.

Couple of things: My five favorite albums of 2008 (with five runners-up) are here.

At 4:30, I reviewing a completely insane, ridiculous, yet hilariously amusing album at Pajiba. So check back then. Oh, and Sean reviewed the new Fall Out Boy here. That will be the last time that band is mentioned here, I promise. It's a damn good review though.

Back to contemplating murder. Later.

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Listening to: Fucked Up - Crooked Head
via FoxyTunes

Hilarity ensues

Maybe it's just me. I dunno, you guys be the judge. But I was at my friendly neighborhood Eastern Mountain Sports last night (so! much! gear!.... thatiwantbutdon'tneed) and had to use their restroom after a day of waaaaaay too much coffee. Anyway, posted above the urinal is this sign:



I literally cackled while peeing, which was strange and uncomfortable and kind of almost messy. There is so much awesome in this one simple sign that I don't know how to begin. But I shall try:

1) That second sentence - I mean, damn. I thought that I overused the comma, but she is being flat-out abused there.

2) So, basically, this is telling us that we should not drink water from this toilet. Or any toilet in this facility (aka the Patriot Place Mall in Foxboro, MA).

... This is something that required notification? Does that imply that it's perfectly acceptable to drink from the toilet anywhere else? Just not here? Are fucking dogs shopping here?

3) In addition to the solid recommendation that we not drink the toilet water, they also suggest (rather passively I might add) that we avoid touching the toilet water. Thank God, because usually I head into a public restroom and promptly wash my face in the toilet. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE?!

4) The Department Environmental Protection Policy Code is "BRP/DWM/PEP-POO-3." Seriously? The code for "don't drink or bathe in the toilet, you filthy bugger" ends in "PEP-POO"?? Say that out loud.

Now do it without giggling.

If you succeeded, you are far more mature than I am.

I love that, as a society, we need to be warned that we shouldn't drink or touch the toilet water because it's recycled water... not because IT'S FUCKING TOILET WATER YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG!!!!!!

Sigh.

Anyway, I had to share.

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Listening to: Drive-By Truckers - Why Henry Drinks
via FoxyTunes

Ramble

I was going to make a new years resolution to get back to more blog posts this year, but we all know that'd be a fucking lie.

Anyway.

Here's a rundown of the best-selling albums of 2008. Approximately 50% of them are absolute bloody shitballs. The remaining 5 are somewhere between "not awful" and "sort of decent."

This is why I disdain the radio so. Also, why I hate humans. Seriously, what the fuck, people? What the hell are you listening to? Where did you learn that listening to Taylor Swift is acceptable? I mean, I get that I'm kind of a pretentious dick when it comes to music, but I genuinely like some pop music. But every year, I get more and more irate with the big names in popular music. And that's because people buy their albums. Which means I get more and more irate with people.

Hence, I don't like people.

But you all knew that.



Hey, you know what sucks? Buying a brand new, awesome bike in the middle of winter. I'm really enjoying sitting in my study and gazing at it adoringly, then looking outside at six inches of snow and cursing profusely.

Ah well. I'll get my outdoors fix on this weekend when I go hiking.

So, enough ramble. Hope you're all doing well. Was this the first post of the new year? I forget, and I'm too lazy to check. If it is, happy new year. If it's not, go screw.

Peace out!