Friday, January 09, 2009

Hilarity ensues

Maybe it's just me. I dunno, you guys be the judge. But I was at my friendly neighborhood Eastern Mountain Sports last night (so! much! gear!.... thatiwantbutdon'tneed) and had to use their restroom after a day of waaaaaay too much coffee. Anyway, posted above the urinal is this sign:



I literally cackled while peeing, which was strange and uncomfortable and kind of almost messy. There is so much awesome in this one simple sign that I don't know how to begin. But I shall try:

1) That second sentence - I mean, damn. I thought that I overused the comma, but she is being flat-out abused there.

2) So, basically, this is telling us that we should not drink water from this toilet. Or any toilet in this facility (aka the Patriot Place Mall in Foxboro, MA).

... This is something that required notification? Does that imply that it's perfectly acceptable to drink from the toilet anywhere else? Just not here? Are fucking dogs shopping here?

3) In addition to the solid recommendation that we not drink the toilet water, they also suggest (rather passively I might add) that we avoid touching the toilet water. Thank God, because usually I head into a public restroom and promptly wash my face in the toilet. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE?!

4) The Department Environmental Protection Policy Code is "BRP/DWM/PEP-POO-3." Seriously? The code for "don't drink or bathe in the toilet, you filthy bugger" ends in "PEP-POO"?? Say that out loud.

Now do it without giggling.

If you succeeded, you are far more mature than I am.

I love that, as a society, we need to be warned that we shouldn't drink or touch the toilet water because it's recycled water... not because IT'S FUCKING TOILET WATER YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG!!!!!!

Sigh.

Anyway, I had to share.

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Listening to: Drive-By Truckers - Why Henry Drinks
via FoxyTunes

6 comments:

Jeremy Feist said...

*snort*...teeheeheeheehee! Oh dear Godtopus, this cracked my shit up. Yeah, that's the first thing I do when I go into the bathroom. "Wow, I am a MESS. Better go dunk my head in the toilet to wash up. Excuse me sir, will you be long in there?"

Also, I'm gonna be mumbling PEP-POO all day now. I hope your pleased, TK.

Manda said...

The same signs are in some of the restrooms along VA highways.

One has to wonder, as with warnings that say things like "Do not iron clothes while wearing," what incident could have possibly prompted the necessity of such a statement. Did someone actually drink the urinal water? Who is this individual and how can we remove them from the gene pool.

meaux said...

*snicker* Yup, that's pretty damned funny. You know, I do have the willpower to refrain from drinking the water in my own toilet. Not drinking the water in a public washroom? Even easier, I must say.

Anonymous said...

Not sure what's scarier:
1) That you're in EMS and drooling over gear as I have in similar stores oh-so-many-times past, or;
2) That people need to be warned to not drink toilet water, or;
3)That you're still surprised that people are idiots. This is the same American public that buys into American Idol year, after year, after year, after year, after year.... If Paris Hilton told everyone that carrying a bag of shit around was "cool", how long do you think it would take people to join in?

Anonymous said...

I am offended by inappropriate use of the comma as well,but there was no such inappropriate use in this 2nd sentence. The content of the sign is still amusing.

Hoss said...

These signs were still up in March. A bunch of us were having drinks after a corporate outing, and I spotted it. One woman, and two guys rushed to get the same picture.

Football fans, what do you expect?