Saturday, May 31, 2008

Ouchtown, population: me

So here's a fun story. Yesterday, my folks are at my aunts house spending some quality time with them (my aunt is my mom's twin sister), so I take the opportunity to get my oil changed, cut the hedges, mow the lawn, - you know, the usual suburban domestic afternoon-killers.

I take a break, grab a bottle of water, and sit down. Then I stand up.... and then it all gets a little fuzzy. Blinding, searing pain down my back, and I drop to my knees. Tears are in my eyes. I think to myself in a panic, "Jesus - I can't stand up. I can't move." Eventually, I crawl (slowly) into the study and make an aborted attempt to get on my couch that results in looking like a giant, crying man humping a piece of furtniture. Hey, I was suffering, no reason you should make it unscathed. That image is for you, special. I crawl over to my phone, collapse onto the floor gasping for air, and call Mrs. TK. at work. I'm in so much pain I can't even make the easy "I've fallen and I can't get up!" joke.

Mrs. TK rushes home and using some sort of She-Hulk-like strength, gets me standing again helps me upstairs. Considering I outweigh her by a minimum of 80 pounds and stand 11 inches taller, that's pretty damn impressive. I spend the rest of the day in bed, basically gasping in pain every time I twitch. It took me ten minutes to walk to and from the bathroom. Finally, at 4:00AM this morning, conditions have not only not improved, they've worsened to the point where I'm simply lying there twitching, wracked in pain, babbling "fuck, fuck, fuck!!" over and over. So, as was most likely inevitable, we go to the Emergency Room.

I have to admit, this was one of the better ER visits I've had. As you can perhaps guess from posts such as these, I've had my fair share of ER experiences, so I feel I'm qualified to expound on that. The people were polite and even friendly, the service was relatively fast. They gave me two shots for the pain within 45 minutes of being there, which were absolutely lovely. Eventually I had an MRI and... drumroll... I appear to have some disc problems. Of the bulging/tearing variety. Which is not good. So now I gotta meet with my regular doc and discuss the next steps. That should be interesting, since I've been trying to persuade to my doc for months that there's something wrong and he just keeps telling me to take Advil and rest a lot. Thanks, doc. No, really, that was super helpful, dickface. Irregahdless, those options range from physical therapy, up to and possibly including surgical repair.


Anyway, the parents are in NYC visiting my sister - a trip I was supposed to join them on before I decided to method act my way into the lead in My Left Foot. Their trip has been wonderful, and hopefully I'm back and mobile when they get back in a week. I already feel better, but that might be the Percocet talking.

It bears mentioning that despite being at work both yesterday and today, Mrs. TK has once again proven herself a rockstar by caring for me, bringing me things and generally being superwife. In addition, in the midst of all my baby-like whining, Animal Control raided a house a couple of towns over and found between 70 and 90 dogs and puppies locked in a basement, covered in their own feces, malnourished and generally in bad shape. Read about it here or here (warning - pictures may cause terminal sadness) if you're brave. They brought 11 of them to her hospital where she's spent the last two days shaving them down, cleaning them up, fixing their ouchies and then crawling into their cages to snuggle with them and make them feel better. Have I mentioned the superwife Superwoman* thing?

How was your day?

*excellent point, Kelsi

Update: I just realized what a bummer this post was, so to make up for it, a picture of happy dogs should help.


kelsi said...

you're right! that was a fun story! no, wait, that was a story that had me frowning with sympathy for you.
irregahdless, i hope you start down the road to, um, nothurtyville very soon.
and that puppy thing just made me very stabby toward other humans. mrs. tk clearly is a superlady, not just a superwife.

Girl With Curious Hair said...

I'm so glad you're in the very capable hands of Mrs. TK. I hope I'm not overstepping, but I would get a second and maybe third opinion before considering surgery. Back surgery is notoriously questionable in its efficacy. And while I have tried it, I have heard good things about acupuncture.

Finally, did you say 'irregahdless'?

I hope you feel better soon.

TK said...

Kelsi - Do I bring the funny or what? I am desperately looking for nohurtville, though it does not appear to be on my map.

Curious - Believe me, not only is back surgery way down the road and the absolutelweapon of last resort, but I plan on talking to my regular doctor and being referred to a couple of specialists first. I'm not too interested in being poked in the spiny parts.

And yes, I did say "irregahdless". This IS Massachusetts, you know.

litelysalted said...

Aren't family doctors great? You may as well just hand over $60 to a homeless person to tell you to take advil. And then, you know, at least the homeless person gets to eat.

PS: I like that you didn't omit "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" from your sidebar review links.

PSS: Look at them happy dawgs! Woo!

Vermillion said...

Damn, man. That just sounds massively uncomfortable. Truly, you have a gift for causing yourself pain and suffering.

Good thing you managed to marry a woman whom you totally don't deserve. Seriously, you are sounding more and more like Steve Trevor to her Wonder Woman everyday.

karabee said...

UGH! Yuck. I hope that treatment starts to bring some relief.

Mrs. TK is a keeper. The planet could use a few more of her.

me said...

Sorry your back is crapping out on you. I know how you feel; I broke a couple of bones in my back during a car accident by a stupid blond Wellesley College byotch that ran our car into a tree. But I digress. I hope the Percs are treating you well, and enjoy the pleasures of legalized drugs.

PS it's a wonder the Mrs. doesn't just end your misery by holding a pillow over your face, not that I of course have thought such things when my whiney assed boy toy has injured himself...

PPS – sorry you missed out on the NY adventure, I am sure everyone misses you

Kerstin said...

Eeek. I know that's painful.

One word of advice: If you must have surgery, have outpatient if at all possible. Many back surgeries, including discectomies and fusions are done outpatient now. If you can't do that, make sure you aren't in the hospital for more than 48 hours. Avoid infection by getting the hell out.

Redhead said...

As someone who has thrown out their back (yes, I realize what you have is worse, but the sentiment remains the same), I can truly say that SUCKS. I am really, really sorry. Oh, and get yourself another doctor; yours is clearly incompetent.

Now on a much more important note - how are the animals Mrs. TK is taking care of? Is there a website or somewhere that we can give money in order to help? The thought of abused animals just...let's just say it doesn't sit well with me.

Nicole said...

Damn, TK. You have my sincere sympathies, since I too have disc issues (it's so much fun to have a doctor point out the spot where your L5-S1 disc is supposed to be and hear him say brightly, "It's just dead space! Nothing left at all!"). I too am avoiding back surgery until the last possible moment; for now I'll deal with the excruciating pain.

The only treatment that has worked for me, when I can afford it, is acupuncture. The relief is short-term but lovely. Those ancient Chinese knew what was up.