Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Down By the River, Wrapped in Plastic

Random crap:

1) Conversation I had, after a long, rough day at work last week, at Whole Foods. I am gazing helplessly at the 800 different kinds of bread. An employee walks up to me:

Whole Foods Girl: Can I help you find something?
TK: I can't figure out what kind of bread to get.
WFG: What kind are you looking for?
TK: [angry, dead-eyed stare]
WFG: Um... I meant... um...
TK: I just need a loaf of bread
WFG: Well, this one has some really good rosemary accents! If you like something more with more grain, this one-
TK: STOP. Just... stop. Please... right now, without thinking, just pick one.
[she picks one, hands it to me meekly]
TK: Thank you. Have a lovely evening.

Sometimes, I don't need a fucking dissertation. I just need a goddamn loaf of bread.

2) I'm slooooowly coming out of the blog closet. There are now officially two people, in addition to Mrs. TK, who know of my plan for world domination the existence of this site. Yikes. Yikes, I say.

3) In case you're interested, here is my review of Twin Peaks, Season One, for Pajiba's series, "The Best 15 Seasons of the Past 20 Years." Twin Peaks is one of my top five TV shows ever, so hope you enjoy the review. And if you don't, I hate you and hope you fall down a well.

4) My parents arrive on the 23rd. ON MAY 23RD, PEOPLE. I haven't seen them since March of 2006. They haven't been to the U.S. since 1998. To say that I'm excited is probably one of the great understatements of this century.

Listening to: Brazilian Girls - Lazy Lover


Maxine Dangerous said...

W00t, a visit from the 'rents!! Don't forget to tell them about all the bastard children we've sired. ;)

Jez said...

Man, if you don't want choice when it comes to bread, 1) Don't shop at Whole Foods, and 2) Go with Wonder Bread. I mean, with all due respect, if I would have been that girl, I would have handed you a hand-squashed, hourglass-shaped loaf of Wonder Bread, and said, "Yeah, you're not the only person having a bad day today. Try not to take it out on the help..."

Nice to see you blogging about something other than movies. The movie reviews have been great, though.

Girl With Curious Hair said...

Aww! You're so excited about your parents coming. I hope you all have fun. Just avoid Whole Foods.

Alex the Odd said...

Long sleeved shirts primed and at the ready for the folks' visit, TK?

(Although quite how one "primes" a shirt is beyond me...)

Kolby said...

Aw, it's so cute that you're excited about your parents visiting. Now if I could only think of a way to send my parents to another country for two years.....

Also, I've never seen a single episode of Twin Peaks. Do I have to fall down a well, too?

country roads said...

I LOVE Twin Peaks. I used to record them in high school and then we'd skip school to watch them the next day.... It's already in my netflix queue to watch again....

And, I like my bread just white, thankyouverymuch. I mean, rosemary accents, really? Really?

Anonymous said...

Isn't there a Hardee's commercial where a guy stands perplexed at the array of bread options? Dude, you are a Hardee's commercial.

Manny said...

Please make sure your parents get all their shots. We don't need any more damned foreigners bringing over any new diseases.The last thing we need is Dengue Fever 2.0.

TK said...

Max - SHHHH!!

Jez - Hey! Enough with you and your stupid common sense.

Curious - I'm beyond excited.

Alex - You know, it's partially YOUR fault.

Kolby - are they small? Could they fit in my parents' luggage?

CR - [sigh] Really.

Manda - Life mission = complete.

Manny - Suck it.

Kolby said...

TK - They are small. Incredibly small - my mom is Lebanese & Sicilian, and my dad is Italian (and he's broken his neck twice and his back once, so he's even shorter than he was 20 years ago). They could totally fit!

Anonymous said...

As a Whole Foods team member, I have to stick up for the girl who helped you with your bread. She was actually probably just trying to get ahead of the many inane questions a regular Whole Foods shopper would ask her by giving you lots of information about each kind of bread. Most of the customers at Whole Foods expect that shit.