Dammit Dammit Dammit!
Yesterday, I got hit THREE TIMES.
First, I was in a store shopping for patio furniture and someone frantically came in all a-twitter, raving that Manny Ramirez, left fielder for the Red Sox and one of my faves, had been traded to Chicago. I freaked, ran out to the car and promptly turned on a sports radio station, panicking madly.
Second, I got home and my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find a box on my front steps with a sign on it that said "Please Take Care of This Puppy".
And third, fucking Pajiba posted a piece on The Defining Movie Of Our Generation. That movie? Sister Act.
Aw, screw you, April Fool's Day.
Obviously, Manny was not traded, though I didn't realize it until I got home and scoured ESPN. Thank God, none of the friends I'd called after hearing about it were around to make me realize what an idiot I was.
I fortunately realized that Pajiba was kidding before I blasted off a tirade in their comments section. Although some did not, with hilarious results.
And as for the box? I opened it to find Phillip, the 7-year old kid from up the street, crouched inside, giggling hysterically. His two brothers, Andrew and Francis, promptly came tearing out from the side of the house, and fell to the ground laughing. And you wonder why I don't have kids. I don't need 'em, the kids up the street are enough for now.
Seriously, no one has tried an April Fool's joke on me in probably 10 years. Then I get three in ONE DAY? And fall for all three of them. Ah, well. Though I must confess, I'm now wondering if the anonymous religious comment below is a joke too. Though to be frank, it's a little too sincere, and a little too poorly written, to be quite so clever.
So to Dustin Rowles, Random Dude at the Furniture Store, and Philip, Andrew and Francis - Well played, good sirs. Well played.
And please, feel free to go fuck yourselves. Except for the kids.
3 comments:
I was in mid-dial to Mr. Salted before I realized the Manny thing was a joke. The Sox are a very serious subject in the litelysalted household.
I have no idea what I'd do if some children played a joke on me like that. I probably would go tell them to go fuck themselves, because I am a horrible, horrible person.
I've met Manny a couple of times when he was with us here in good ol' Cleveland.
The Pajiba thing cracked me up. Although....I can never get enough Kathy Najimy.
Shoot, I didn't have any April Fool surprises at all. Consider yourself fortunate. April 1st came and went just like any other day for me--perhaps that is a good thing.
Anyway, I remembered your challenge put to me a while ago: post an article as to why I would want others to be Christians. I took my time, doing a lot of thinking and soul searching before trying to write, but seeing how it's the Easter season, I finally decided it was time to make a go of it.
You can find the article here: Why Be A Christian? I was amazed I had as much to say about the subject as I did, and I could have kept going and going.
Anyway, please read it when you have a chance, share it with others, and leave any comments or criticisms you might have.
psuedo Thomas Merton
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