Look. Listen. Kneel. Pray.

Yeah. How scary is this?

It's interesting that I came across this image, courtesy of the wonderful Feministing, shortly after I wrote a post wherein I talked about how we weren't having children because of our schedules. If only my wife would give up her lucrative and fulfilling and intellectually stimulating career (which pays more than mine), and pump out a few rugrats, well then dammit, we'd have fewer illegal immigrants to run rampant through our country and swallow up our welfare rolls and rape our cub scouts. (insert obligatory joke about cub scout leaders doing the job just fine). Of course, we'd have to sell our house since we wouldn't be able to pay the damn mortgage.

If anyone cares, the poster above is from an anti-feminist group called "Quiverfulls", which are women determined to have as many children as possible (minimum six) and home school them, take them only to fundamentalist churches, and raise them to be a part of "God's Army". To which I say: Yikes.

Seriously, what is the conservative obsession with having children? When did people who either a) don't have kids or b) have just one or two, somehow become villains? Actually, I guess the more important question, for both these Quiverfull whack-jobs and the rest of Conservative America is...

Why can't you just leave us the fuck alone?

*sigh*

Final note: I'd like to see one of these so-called Quiverfull "soldiers of God" say that (what's on the poster) to my wife's face. Because... well... because I've never seen a person with a bible shoved up their ass.

Final final note. For some reason, the one of the first things that came to mind when thinking about the Quiverful perfect family was this video. One of my all-time favorite songs, "A Little Time", by The Beautiful South. How's that for domestic bliss, motherfuckers?

The face of evil

The question of evil is one that humanity has tried to answer since we came out of the primordial goop. But the fact of the matter is, given different religions, belief systems, cultures, and ideologies, it is a question that can never be adequately answered. The question of whether or not evil is a recognizable thing is even harder - how can you tell if something, or someone, is inherently evil?

Is there even such a thing? Some believe that we are, essentially, born evil, and that it is our task through life to vanquish this evil through prayer and belief and faith, and that at the end of our lives we will be judged and either accepted into Heaven, or found wanting and cast into the pit of hell. Some believe that we are born with limitless capacity for either good or evil, and it is a combination of genetics, upbringing, education and other external factors which ultimately decides that we are good or evil - or somewhere in between.

Given these myriad ideas, the FACE of evil is an even more complex concept.

Is it this?


According to some Christians, it is. Although, they technically believe that it is also this:


Some believe it's this:


Extremists at the other end even believe this:


But the truth is, I have seen the face of evil. Worse, it is in my home.

The truth is, evil is far more subtle, more devious, than any of us realize.


Because the face of evil is this:


Doubt me at your own peril.

Goddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch

Seriously, whose dick do I have to suck to get my fucking comments to work properly?

Can you tell I'm getting a little annoyed?



Hey, Blogger! I'm talking to you, you fuck!

Good Music Is Good For You, Part VI

I know, I know. Enough with the music posts. But I can't help myself. I just discovered this band and have fallen in love with them and wish to bear their children.

Er, or something.

Anyway. I got asked a while back why I only post/recommend music that is somewhat obscure. Matt, over at A Bowl of Stupid, has described a similar trait in himself as a certain degree of music snobbery.

I beg to differ. I don't know about the other folks I know who post music, but the truth is, I listen to a ton of popular music. I have every album Jay-Z ever released. I (guiltily admit) that I love Panic! at the Disco. I like My Chemical Romance, and Sarah McLaughlin, and Ludacris. But... well, honestly, what's the point in posting stuff by them? The average Joe or Jane knows them. Has probably seen the videos. I guess I figure if I'm going to post something for people to hear, might as well be something they'll hear for the first time (possibly).

Anyway. Enough with the foreplay, on to the fucking. Today's band is Murder By Death.



I discovered them by happy accident a couple of days ago, and now own every album they've made. They're a fascinating band, combining gothic sounds with alt-country, rock and a weird classical vibe, string instruments (including an electric cello), keyboards and some seriously awesome guitar feedback. It sounds pretentious as hell, but trust me on this. Most of their albums are released on their own label, Tent Show Records. Based out of Indiana (man, some surprisingly good stuff comes out of the Midwest), they have developed a sound that really caught me. Anyway, this track is off the album Who Will Survive And What Will Be Left Of Them, and is called "Until Moral Improves, The Beatings Will Continue", which has now reached my top ten favorite song titles. Can you tell I make a lot of lists in my head?

Enjoy.



ps - The name of the band (which, I know, sounds like a speed metal band) is actually based on the movie of the same name, a 1976 Neil Simon spoof on murder mysteries. It's actually very funny, so hell, I'll recommend that too. Just check out the cast - interesting, no?

We are experiencing technical difficulties

And for that I apologize. I apparently have been too drunk to use my email a little too quick to pull the trigger on my junk mail, so some comments have been lost. So I've turned off comment moderation. If you've posted a comment recently and it hasn't showed up, that would be my fault. Sorry folks. Please re-post, if you like. You know your comments are my only means of validation in this world.



Thanks to the lovely Meg for helping me figure this out.

It's best to be thorough...

I've been thinking a lot about music lately. Anyone who knows me knows I'm something of an obsessive when it comes to music - I've amassed a significant collection of stuff over the years, some of it that I still listen to to avidly, some not at all, and some (I guiltily admit) I haven't even heard yet. I'm constantly fucking with my Ipod and deleting/adding stuff, almost daily.

But what strikes me is that I will rarely listen to an album from start to finish. Frankly, even the best artists have filler on their albums, and it's hard to make it all the way through, especially when you're like me and have the attention span of a guppy. So I've decided to make a list - not of the best artists, not of the best albums, but of the most complete, consistent albums.

So without further ado (and in no order of preference), here are the albums that I will regularly listen to all the way through:


1. Moby - Everything is Wrong


2. DJ Shadow - Endtroducing


3. Jeff Buckley - Grace


4. The Pogues - If I Should Fall From Grace With God


5. Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar


6. Uncle Tupelo - No Depression


7. Uncle Tupelo - March 16-20, 1992


8. Seal - Seal I


9. R.L. Burnside - Wish I Was In Heaven Sitting Down


10. The Postal Service - Give Up


11. Morcheeba - Big Calm


12. The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band


13. Curtis Mayfield - Superfly


14. Elliott Smith - Figure 8


15. Jerry Douglas, Russ Barenberg, Edgar Meyer - Skip, Hop & Wobble


16. Fugazi - 13 Songs


17. Dropkick Murphys - Do Or Die


18. Drive-By Truckers - Gangstabilly


19. Simon and Garfunkel - The Concert In Central Park


20. The Buena Vista Social Club - The Buena Vista Social Club


21. Lyrics Born - Same Shit Different Day


22. The Goats - Tricks of the Shade


23. Sinead O'Connor - I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got


24. Citizen Cope - The Clarence Greenwood Recordings


25. Sonic Youth - Dirty


26. Faith No More - Angel Dust


27. Bad Brains - Rock For Light


28. Metallica - Master of Puppets


29. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On


30. Rocket From The Crypt - Scream, Dracula, Scream!

3/26 edit: The late additions

The Clash - London Calling


32. Mule - Mule


So there you go, for those who care. Keep in mind, these are the current favorites. I'm sure I've left of several albums that I used to obsess over five years ago, or ten, or... gulp, 15 years ago. And some of them are recent discovery, some of them are re-discovery. But that's the list for now. Interestingly, I've noticed a shortage of rap/hip-hop albums on this list, which is odd since I listen to those genres a lot. But in truth, hip-hop albums have way too many skits, and that annoys me after a time. In fact, Tricks of the Shade is probably cheating, but I just love it too much to leave it off the list. Anyway, I'm always taking music recommendations, so... any ideas?

Be good, kids.


PS - yes, this took fucking forever
PPS - Numbers 1, 2, 4, 6, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 26, 28 & 29 (and 31)make my top 50 all-time greatest albums ever list.
PPPS - I was going to write a little narrative bit on each album, but let's be honest, this post is long enough as is.

The continuation of a disturbing universe

Maybe I'll make this a recurring post, since I had such fun with it last time. Anyway, here are the latest search terms that led to this bright and cheery little niche of the interwebs:

1. speaking afrikaans wearing jean pant youtube (oookay... I mean... I've studied afrikaans. And I've seen youtube. And I wear pants. But...)
2. supressed (sic) cures (it saddens me that such I draw such poor spellers)
3. paul walker (obviously via the post on race)
4. eating uncooked meat (self explanatory)
5. uncooked meat blog (I'M FUCKING FAMOUS!)
6. cee-lo green and his perfect imperfections (via this post)
7. lyrics born (see the post below)
8. mike patton be aggressive (this post)
9. wife passed out pics (ok, technically this refers to this post, but it's still disturbing as hell. Especially because it's come up twice, meaning more than one roofie-slipping psycho bastard is coming here)
10. grischka (someone has seen Octopussy)
11. we fuck's (sic) milf .com (I. have. no. fucking. idea.)
12. oprah hate (gee, I wonder why my site came up)
13. sick bad uncooked meat (Wow. I've never seen myself described so succinctly before. It's like looking into a mirror.)
14. lyrics sweet caroline fucking slut (thank dmbmeg for this)
15. bald texan blog (sorry NT, I don't know if this refers to you or not)
16. i hate oprah (again, I have no idea why)

So. Again, my site is apparently drawing illiterates, drunks, people with mommy obsessions, date rapists, Oprah haters, drug users, future divorcees, music lovers, people with questionable diet habits, and James Bond fans.

So, pretty much a little snapshot of y'all, gentle readers.

At least no more child molesters like last time.

Good Music is Good For You, Part V

On the menu for today, Lyrics Born. A Japanese-born, San Francisco-raised hip-hop artist, who has worked with some of the premier acts out there, particularly those involved with Solesides and Quannum Projects (as well as DJ Shadow, Blackalicious, Dan the Automator, to name a few), Lyrics Born (aka Tom Shimura) has some amazing skills. With great beats, and a smooth, rhythmic flow that complements his somewhat raspy voice, his conversational and somewhat experimental style of rapping contains a great deal of complexity. I also have a great deal of respect for hip-hop artists who manage to avoid talking about guns, bitches, or the size of their cock(not that some of those aren't also good, it's just a nice change of pace.) One of the smarter MC's out there, LB is one of my favorite recent discoveries. He's also the only Japanese/Italian rapper that I know of. Additionally, LB is one half of the brilliant Latryx. This track is off of Same Shit Different Day, entitled "I Changed My Mind".

Anyway, enjoy.

Be careful out there...

Story of the month:

I have two friends, Tim and Tong, who are roommates. They live in the neighborhood where Tim and I grew up. It's a relatively working-class neighborhood of mostly Irish and Italians, stuck incongruously in the middle of a pretty well-to-do town that's mostly wealthy and Jewish. Anyway, they both go to Joe's Barbershop, the old Italian neighborhood guy I used to go to as a kid.


Note: Not the same Joe's. There are probably 10 million Joe's Barber Shops in America.

So a couple weeks ago, Tong goes to Joe's to get a haircut. Like many old-school barbers, the place is tiny, smells like shaving cream and old Italian man, and is full of old guys, many of whom aren't even there to get a haircut. It's just where they hang out. I've always loved Joe's. But then... well... things get weird. Tong is sitting in the chair, getting his cut, and overhears Joe talking to a couple of the other old timers. I'll translate, as Joe's accent is so thick, it's sometimes impenetrable.

Joe: It's just not safe anymore.
Old Italian Guy #1: I know, I know
Joe: The black guys, you can't even walk around at night anymore!
Old Italian Guy #2: I know! It's gettin' so dangerous I don't want to leave the house.
Joe: The black guys - you just hafta be careful.
OIG#1: Too true, too true. The black guys, you're right. It's not safe.

Now Tong, who is Chinese, is sitting there stunned. I mean, they're being so damn blatant about it. And they're going on and on about how the black guys are dangerous, how you can't go out at night anymore. I'm getting furious listening to the story. I mean, these guys used to cut my hair when I was a kid, and I had no idea they were such vicious racists. I mean, who knew a trip to the barber would turn into a Klan rally? And they just. keep. going.

Joe: What are you supposed to do? You hafta be so careful.
OIG#2: The black guys... I don't know. I don't want the wife to get hurt, you know?
Joe: Ya, that's right. You worry about the women, the little ones, with the black guys. What if they fall?

Huh? All of a sudden, just as he's about to stand up in outrage, Tong gets it.

It's not the black guys.

It's the black ice. The black ice is dangerous. The black ice is not safe. Remember the great Valentine's Day storm, where New England got covered in ice? Yeah. That's what they were talking about.



This is how wars get started, people.