Thursday, December 27, 2007

Christmas is all around



OK, here's the obligatory post-Christmas post.

The good:

*The drive to Philly. Made it in less than five hours. The dogs did not pee in the car.

*The playlist I made for the drive. Featuring the greatest hits of Journey, Foreigner, Pat Benatar, Boston and Kenny Loggins. Cheezalicious.

*Seeing our friends, who are all doing well, with the exception of my friend B, whose dad died suddenly two weeks ago. But I hung out with him, and he's doing better, all things considered. I brought one of my dogs over to console him (his dog also died recently. I know. Rough few months.)

*Cheesesteaks. I can't help it. Those fuckers are good.

*Mrs. TK's parents. Who are crazy, but overall, a fun crazy. They keep their house heated to about 100 degrees. They watch TV at deafening volumes, then shout at each other because it's so loud (but make no effort to turn the volume down). Here's a verbatim example:

I'm watching TV (and slowly going deaf) with her mom. Her dad has to work the next day, so he's upstairs. He comes downstairs, and...

Dad: I need my glasses so I can set my alarm.
Mom: WHAT?
Dad: I NEED MY GLASSES.
Mom: WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES?
Dad: I SAID, I NEED MY GLASSES TO SET MY ALARM.
Mom: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR GLASSES?
Dad: WHAT?
Mom: WHAT?
Dad: HAVE YOU SEEN MY GLASSES?
Mom: WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES?

(I swear, it's like living in a sketch comedy show. They're sweet, and very good to me, but hoo-boy. A little nutty.)

*My new, shiny, pretty Playstation 3. It takes a special woman to buy her husband something that is guaranteed to distract him for... well... forever.

The bad:

*The temperature in the in-laws' house. Like I said, it was easily 100 degrees. And dry as the desert. I thought I was going to wake up completely dessicated. Seriously. At one point, I was lying in bed and I swear I could here myself blinking.

*The terrifying car accident we got into on the way home. I was driving Mrs. TK's car, in the left lane on the PA Turnpike. A Mercedes SUV came flying up behind us and proceeded to drive about 4 inches off my rear end. I swear, I could smell the guy's breath he was so close. So I pass the truck next to me, and change into the middle lane. The SUV pulls up next to me and starts SCREAMING at me through his open window. I make a "whatever, man" gesture, and he DELIBERATELY SWERVES INTO OUR LANE, SLAMS INTO OUR CAR, AND TAKES OFF.

I am not kidding. Thankfully, despite having a mini-heart attack, I managed to get us to the breakdown lane without smashing into any other cars. We called the staties, made out a report and all that, but I'm sure they never caught the crazy motherfucker. So Crazy Motherfucker in the Black Mercedes SUV - I hope you die in a fiery crash, you worthless bastard. People like you are a danger to the rest of us, and should just be taken out of the gene pool altogether. You almost killed me and my wife, and scared the hell out of my poor dogs, on the day after Christmas, no less. So burn in hell, you stupid fuck.

...

[deep breath]

...

Anyway, other than that, it was a wonderful trip, and a very good Christmas. How was y'alls?

8 comments:

Kolby said...

Oh, my god, the same thing happened to me & my then-boyfriend years ago. We ended up in a snowy field. Glad to hear you guys made it home OK. Hope the damage isn't too significant.

We spent Christmas this year with my family. Good lord, my mother is insane. She shifts from happy to sad to murderous in the blink of an eye. Still, it was better than pretending to adore the in-laws like last year.

Manny said...

Glad to hear you're ok. Christmas was spent at the future in laws, K's friend came over with her introverted husband and their two tweens. K's brother (who is in recovery) was there with his new gf, who is great. Christmas was loud, fun, and we had great food.

By the way, I'm the proud new owner of an AK47 air rifle and Airsoft handgun. Dance, monkey, dance!

Alex the Odd said...

That's horrifying! Screw liscences to drive some people need to have their rights to existance revoked. I do not understand the thought processes going on in so very many minds. Baffling.

Really glad to hear you're OK though.

I spent this year with my own family, unlike last year which I spent with the ex Mr. TheOdd's clan. Yeah that was fun.

I got money as my major gift this year... and it came without the usual instruction that I was to provide my mother with a list of things I'd spent it on so as to be sure it didn't just go into my tattoo fund. I feel this is progress.

girl with curious hair said...

Oh my goodness! What is wrong with people? I usually expect that kind of behavior from people in Hummers or giant trucks. I'm glad you and Mrs. TK are doing well.

I spent Christmas with my aunt, uncle and 10 year old cousin--in Detroit. I had forgotten what winter was like.
I also got to experience Christmas with a child who sincerely believes in Santa. That was hilarious--except for the 5 am hysteria.

country roads said...

That just goes to show that people who drive Mercedes shouldn't be on the road.

The conversation there sounds a lot like it did at my mom's...hmm...

Have a great new year!!

Redhead said...

He scared your dogs?! I mean, I'm glad you and Mrs. TK are fine, but what the fuck?! He could have hurt your puppies! (Can you tell where my priorities lie?) Either way, I agree that he should die and burn in hell. Merry Christmas everyone!

I don't want to talk about my holiday (because as you already know, I'm a moron).

slouchmonkey said...

Glad you're okay! Happy Anniversary, btw! We spent our Christmas at my parents house and I proceeded to get frustrated and piss drunk because of everybody telling me how and what my daughter needs and wants. Fucking psychos! Especially, my brother who's 41 and still lives at home.

Kerstin said...

Jesus. You'd think people with a Mercedes would treat it, and the road, with a little more respect. What a cocksucker.

I have a friend who likes that dry, high heat. When we lived in Phoenix, her favorite thing was getting in the car at the end of a 115 degree day and letting the easily 140 degree heat wash over her. Crazy.