Friday, June 22, 2007

Everything means nothing to me

So, obviously my blog appears to be in a state of decline. I looked at my number of posts per month and there appears to be a steady decrease since January. What can I say... I'm not that creative. But then again, it's summertime, and as I said, my summers are dedicated to being outside and enjoying myself. And there's little to bitch/blog about, which seems to be my forte. I mean, here are my activities so far this summer:

Napping in the hammock
Mowing the lawn
Taking the dog swimming
Sitting in the sun

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Not much to complain about, is there?

So in the interest of feeding you goddamn jackals, I'll take the lazy route and do one of my favorite activities - keyword analysis! I know, fuckin' yee-ha, right?

So here we go... search terms that brought people here:

1. Uncooked Meat - OK, starting out normally enough.
2. Paragraph on my worst job - Obviously refers to this post.
3. Satan - Wow, people, narrow your search terms a little, huh. Otherwise you stumble across things like this.
4. There is no normal life... there is only life - Apparently someone else is a Tombstone fan as well.
5. barbaro crazy nuts - hmmm, what could this be about?
6. mike patton paedophilia - HEY! That's my boy you're talking about. Libelous fuckers.
7. deus ex malcontent - that's just weird. I don't even know what the hell that means. Some lunatic, probably.
8. septic truck massachusetts shit - again with the shitty jobs.
9. video head of a golden retriever - yup, got that.
10. cambridge bbq porch law - no clue.
11. will i get hired if i'm pregnant - not by me, you won't. I'm kidding, of course. Sort of.
12. the feel of uncooked pork - eww...
13. signs of uncooked meat - what the hell? who has so many questions about raw meat? In all honesty, the title of the blog doesn't have anything to do with meat.
14. father trucker spank belt - There it is. There's always one fucking creepy term. Last time it was "wife passed out pics". This time it's... well, it's creepy is what it is. But my guess is they found this post.

By the way - I'm still looking through resumes. The sentence of the week is: "First, I have four year as a result, oriented, professional, and, team, player in the admin assist environments."

I didn't edit that at all, by the way. OK, so, couple of things:
1. If you write "first", I am expecting there to be a "second". There was not.
2. Don't abbreviate things in your cover letter. Just don't.

Also, please don't EVER use the word "vast". As in, "I have a vast knowledge of the field of..." Because you don't. I've been doing this for eight years and I don't have a vast knowledge. If you've been working at a bookstore, but you live near homeless people, you don't have a "vast knowledge" of the problem of homelessness, ok? But I now have a vast knowledge of what a dumbass you are.

Whew. Good to have that off my chest. Have a great weekend, kids.


Redhead said...

Stop having a life and entertain us damnit.

Oh, and that resume sentence would have made my head explode - I would have called up the applicant and berated them until they admitted they were a moron. Way to hold back.

Anonymous said...

oh yeah? well, I have a hammock ON my boat, and a dog that fishes for me while doing the backstroke in the sun. (Read: jealous betch)

Hee hee! Yay for summer.

And I can't even comment on those resumes. No wonder you have to lie around in a stupor during your free time. Sidenote: doesn't it suck that we have to name our own time as "free"? It just infers that for the rest of the time, we are imprisioned. And what sucks the most: it's true.

Anyway, fuck that shit, it's summa time.

Jayne said...

Yeah! I was wondering where the hell you were. And everyone else (MANNY, LS, BOS, where arrreeee yooouuuuu??!?!), for that matter. Even my malcontent's been lazy lately.

Of course, I haven't written anything in 2 weeks, either, and I'm also blaming the nice weather. And work. And the malcontent.

But seriously- this blogger drought has made me have to get work done here at my desk, and that just makes me sad. Because they might get used to it.

onthevirg said...

Dude, those all sound like worthy endeavors for the summertime. Especially the drinking.

One of these days if I get more than 5 people reading I'm going to have to try that keyword deal. I imagine there's some kind of setup involved.

Wow...did they just keep on randomly hitting the comma key to see how many times they could get it into the same sentence?

girl with curious hair said...

I, love, commas, and, have, a vast, understanding, of, them.

Seriously, I'm glad you're enjoying summer and all, but if everyone spends their time enjoying summer and not blogging, I'm going to have to pretend to be interested in what people are saying during meetings.

Please come back...

New Texan said...

I think you left out "enjoying the Sox kick ass and take names" from your list... still, pretty damned good list. Enjoy!

litelysalted said...

Dang you stole my idea. I've mean meaning to compile a list of these for awhile. I quick check of my sitemeter brings us "fishing in the nude." NO clue there. But the three most popular search terms that bring people to Litelysalted are: "pixie cut," "Dawn Timmeney" (a local philly newscaster; is usually followed by the word "hot") and sadly, the most popular search term is "Dustin Diamond dildo." I probably get a good dozen or so of them a day. (And now so will you! Hee!)

OH! And my non-blogging excuse is Pajiba and the other one; not having a life, like you lucky goddamn people.

dmbmeg said...

the whole "crazy google searches" blog post is soooo 2006. You can do better than this.

I'm not only disappointed in you, but disappointed in myself for not be a better commenter that discourages such drivel. That ends RIGHT NOW.

Chez said...

I stole your ATHF alert icon.


Because I'm a thieving, cretinous fuck -- that's why.

TK said...

GOD, you people are so fucking demanding.

But let me say this:
Chez, I'm going to need restitution.

Meg - not all of us can post about group sex and alcoholism.

OTV - Ditto my response to Meg.

Nexus - thpppt!

Curious - weird, I must have your resume too!

LS - thanks a fucking lot. like I don't have enough freakshows around here.

Tex - you're goddamn motherfuckin' right. A grievous omission.

Red - I will not succumb to your demands!

Jayne - May I suggest you take up the art of "napping while looking awake"?

dmbmeg said...

everyone can write about group sex and alcoholism, but I just do it the best