Movie madness... and not the good kind.

So, not to harp on The Departed, but being a Boston boy it was hard not to love it.

But here's the truly sad thing. There were no interruptions in the theater. No pagers, cell phones, conversations, nothing. Nada. Nihil. That's not sad, you say. And you're right, it's fucking glorious. What's sad is that I've reached the point where every time I go to the movies, I spend two+ hours secretly cringing, waiting for someone's cell phone to ring, or some other noisy bullshit. And then I'm surprised when nothing happens.

That, people, is truly fucked up.

The moviegoing experience has devolved so much that we now expect people to be assholes. What was once a sacred pleasure of mine has now become a source of stress. I went to see King Kong and had to deal with two tween boys who spent the movie running up and down the aisles, talking, and howling like fucking baboons. Until I finally had to threaten to break their arms. And believe me, I am not the type of person who revels in threatening children. But FUCK.

And babies. Oh, Lord. Here's the deal - if you have a child who cannot keep quiet in a theater, then you either GET A MOTHERFUCKING SITTER, or you forfeit your right to go to the movies. I'm sorry. It sucks. But you're the one with the rugrat, why make us suffer with you?

Look, I get it. People suck, humans as a general rule will disappoint you. Fine. That's unfortunate, but I'm willing to accept it to a point. But what amazes me about this whole "let's be a complete shitheel in the movie theater" trend is this: Didn't we all come to enjoy a movie? I mean, isn't that why people shell out the ridiculous money for tickets and popcorn and soda and fucking corn dogs and whatever the hell else? Isn't it why we endure this awful new trend of 8,000 commercials for Coke and Chevy that are now essentially trailers for the trailers? So that at the end of all that madness and annoyance and delay, we can sit back, munch on our corn dogs, and enjoy the movies?

So why fuck it up? I don't get it. Why go through all the frustration of simply getting to the start of the movie, and then allow yourself to be interrupted? I... don't... understand... it. Maybe I take movies more seriously than others (likely). But I'm at the point where I want movie theaters to have bouncers. Not ushers. Bouncers. Big, ugly, ex-linebacker types who will dislocate your elbow and then toss you into a dumpster for answering your cell phone.

Is that so much to ask?