RIP Paul Newman

1925 - 2008

One of my all-time favorite actors. I wrote a brief little retrospective on Pajiba. Click here to read if you wish. Have a great weekend.

Yar. Ye be comipletely insane.

Welcome to my world.

My wife, though I love her dearly, is clearly wearing her crazypants today. She worked an overnight shift last night, so we didn't see each other last night or this morning. I got to work today with an email that simply said, "Ahoy, matey! Whar's me cookie?"

Since "Talk Like a Pirate Day" was last Friday, I thought she was either late to the game, or confused and trying to find our baked goods. Sadly, none of those are true. Because attached to the email, was this:



Get it? Three-legged dog? Pirate costume?

Oh, bloody hell.

Anyway. I'll be in Denver, CO from Sunday to Wednesday, so likely this'll be the last you hear of me for a few days. God knows what the dogs will be dressed in when I get home.

Have a good whatever.

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Listening to: Monty Burns - See My Vest

Black people and white kids

One of those days where everything happens at once.



So if you're interested, here's my piece on so-called "black music." By which I mean, black artists who defy the stereotypes shoved down our throats by MTV, pop radio, and their respective devil spawn.

And to switch gears completely, here's my review of one of the best teen comedies of all time, Can't Hardly Wait.



Please to enjoy.

Crash Into Me

So, some of you may know that this spring, I took up cycling. I actually charged into it pretty seriously, trying to average about 70-100 miles per week. It's been great fun, and I certainly feel better overall.

Of course, I also took up not just road biking, but mountain biking occasionally. You know, rough terrain, dangerous trails, rocks, roots, all that fun stuff.

You can probably tell where this is going.

Anyway, Saturday I went for a ride to F. Gilbert Hills State Forest in Foxboro, MA. It's a beautiful park, and I was meandering through it and stopped to look at a trail map. Another mountain biker came upon me and very nicely asked if I knew where I was going. When I responded that I did not, but wasn't too worried, he said, "Well, if you want, you can ride along with me. I know the park pretty well."

"How nice," I thought. "A fellow rider offering assistance!"

So I accepted his offer, and off we went. It took roughly 90 seconds for me to realize that this guy was WAY more advanced than me. WAY MORE. We took trails that was absolutely not ready for, super technical stuff, trails with six foot drops, crazy inclines, just ridiculous all around. I did my best to keep up - I may take a while, but I don't quit. I also dumped the bike a bunch of times. Mostly minor stuff, but two of them were absolutely epic. The first one happened right in front of him - I was flying down a hill, and my front tire got wedged between two rocks, resulting the the rear of the bike flying up into the air, pitching me headfirst into open space. I literally went ass-over-teakettle, and crashed into a tree, then a pile of rocks. The bike actually landed in front of me.



This is why we wear helmets, boys and girls.

My new friend sat on his bike, watching it happen. I staggered to my feet, helmet askew, bloody shins, and he grinned crazily, said "Wow!" and then headed back to the trail. I picked myself up, got back on the bike and took off after him. About 20 minutes later, and had a similar crash - I went flying, only this time the bike landed ON me. I eventually caught up to my "buddy," and he stopped, stared at my chest for a couple minutes and then said, amazed, "Is that... is that a tire track... on your chest?!?! I've never even heard of something like that!"

Sure enough, it was. Hey, if it was gonna happen to anyone, it was gonna happen to me. I have to admit, it was painful, brutal stuff... but I had a goddamn blast. I usually stay on the easier trails, but this was... fun. In it's own crazy, dangerous way.

Sunday I headed to out to slightly easier (translation: less dangerous) for more riding. A couple of minor crunches, but no amazing feats of crashing. I did, however, come upon some pretty stunning scenery:







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Listening to: Alexi Murdoch - Dream About Flying

Thursday's gratuitous liberalism and random movie rage

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Peace Patroller, also known as an anti-war liberal or neo-hippie. You believe in putting an end to American imperial conquest, stopping wars that have already been lost, and supporting our troops by bringing them home.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Wow. That's... surprisingly accurate. Found via today's Pajiba Love.

Speaking of The 'Jiba, I've got a review up today, for easily the worst movie I've seen in a long time.



Yes, this actually exists. Think of the worst thing you can imagine, multiply it by a billion.

It's worse than that.

Click here to read my rage.

Camping recap

Well, we survived our time in the wilds of New Hampshire. Actually, it was a spectacular success for the most part. Gorgeous site, great area, didn't see any people for three days. We had a few (minor!)mishaps - overshooting the turn to the trail to our campsite and hiking an unnecessary half-mile (while weighed down with about 40 pounds of gear... each). I probably tripped over tent stakes about a dozen times. I also managed to smash my shin into a downed tree and bruise myself nicely. But nothing that required stitches or hospitalization which, for those who know me, is something of a back-patworthy feat.

And before Mrs. TK starts harping about it, because I know she will, I did NOT DROP A KAYAK ON HER HEAD. SHE SLIPPED, GODDAMNIT. Don't anyone believe a word she says. She is a deceiver and spreader of lies.

Anyway. We got there Thursday afternoon, after succeeding in making the drive without the kayaks ripping the roof off the truck and causing a horror show on I-93. Hiked our gear into the site, and man... it. was. fucking. spectacular. See for yourself:


The view from the site, and me looking at that view


Kayaks and our little inlet


The view from the kayaks

We then kayaked in the remaining gear, explored a bit, and made dinner.

Day 2 consisted of a hike in the morning:

The view from the top.


Catapult in the making

Me on the move


Baby salamanders!


Freaky caterpillar

Our hike was followed by a trip in the kayaks, exploring the little network of ponds and lakes... until it started to rain. Now, some of you may remember our last little disaster of a camping trip. THIS time, we had a tent that didn't leak, so we stuck it out and actually had a great night despite the pouring rain.

Saturday, however... we were supposed to switch to another campground, since the first one wasn't available over the weekend. So we drove up to Bear Brook State Park and... it pretty much sucked. Like, really sucked. Kids everywhere, campsites right on top of each other, RV's, loud music, rednecks drinking beer at 11:00 in the morning... just the complete opposite of what our first three days of quiet bliss had been. So we said fuck it, swallowed the 20 bucks, and headed back to Massachusetts. The day wasn't a bust though - we stopped at a nearby reservation and went kayaking through a relatively unknown section of the Charles River, which was lovely.

Anyway, that's the recap. Thanks for indulging me. And once again, she slipped, goddamnit!

Out of the Office

Enjoy your week folks. Starting Thursday, I will be out of the office, away from the internet, turning off the cell phone and basically completely off the grid until Sunday evening. Mrs. TK and I are going on a little camping/kayaking adventure to Washington, NH. You all be careful, OK?



Leave a message at the beep. Peace out.

*Beep!*

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Listening to: The Go! Team - Bottle Rocket

Madness

Yesterday I saw something the likes of which I'd never seen before. Something terrifying, yet fascinating. Something wondrous, yet horrible. Something that may well be literally evil.

Yesterday, I went to a Bass Pro Fishing Shop.

Sweet boinking piss Christ on a jelly donut.

It was... it was complete and utter spectacle. So much camo! So many fishing rods! So many... douchebags! So... many... fishing rods. So many creepy fake animals and humans posed in bizarre hunting dioramas!

What's that? Of fucking course I took pictures!

Hey brother moose! Yeah, I'm just loungin', you know, maxin'. Yourself?



Figured I'd get a little fishin' done in this creepy fake stream!


Mmm... giant floating boat... and NASCAR!


Fuck me. Please don't be real.

Yeah. It was a little weird. But, you know, a man's gotta get his ammo somewhere. I kid, of course. No, I was there to get scupper plugs for our new, super duper awesome kayaks. But still. It was a little Redneck Twilight Zone, you know. I mean, it actually seemed like by simply crossing the threshold, people developed a Southern accent. I don't say that to bash Southerners. I'm being serious. I'm in fucking Foxboro, Massachusetts and all of a sudden the Massholes are evolving... or devolving... into hicks. It was somewhat disturbing. Like a giant Target, but more rednecky.

For God's sake, there was a shewtin' range! SHEWTIN', people!

I'll tell you one thing - I was easily the darkest person in there by several shades.

Anyway, it was pretty bizarre. Almost as bizarre as this:



Hmm? What? What's that? You've never seen a giant-ass fucking CANNON on the back of a pick-up truck with a "For Sale" sign on it? In a quiet Massachusetts suburban neighborhood? (although, in truth - where would this be normal?) Well, this was around the corner from our house. I almost wanted to find out how much it went for. Almost.

I swear, the world around me is smoking toads. I'm just trying to keep up.

Anyway. Fuck it, here's the puppy.



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Now playing: Cursive - The Great Decay
via FoxyTunes

Three Days to the Weekend

Ah, the glorious three-day work week. Yes, Monday was Labor Day and Tuesday was a vacation day, as we had friends in town to visit, the super-awesome C's! A grand time was had, despite the fact that Mrs. TK and I were somewhat sick for much of the weekend. Highlights of the weekend include:

Half-drunk Trivial Pursuit that demonstrated once again that my brain does not function the way a normal brain does. For example: I roll. I land on the color blue.

Mrs. C: What color?
TK: Four.
Mrs. C, Mr. C: What?
TK: I mean ONE!
Mrs. C, Mr. C, Mrs. TK: WHAT?!?
TK: Fuck. I mean Pink!
TK: FUCK! BLUE! I MEAN BLUE!!
Mrs. C, Mr. C, Mrs. TK: Holy shit.

Cue hysterical laughing.

Also, walking the Freedom Trail becomes much more amusing when it is merged with a bar crawl. I plan on doing it again some day when I'm not ill and really give it a go.

Finally, we must have watched the trailer for Bolt a half-dozen times, because that damn hamster left us in tears.

A great weekend overall.

PS - I've got today's post at The Music Is The Message. Please check it out and read about one of my absolute favorite artists ever. Click here, and thanks.

PPS - Update. I also did the 12:00 Pajiba Love entry for today, so check it out if you get bored.

Schadenfreude

Some jokes don't need punchlines.


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Now playing: From Autumn to Ashes - Love It or Left It
via FoxyTunes