Thursday, July 05, 2007

workin' man blues

Resume idiocy of the day:

  1. Married 22 years. Son in college, daughter - a sophmore (sic) in high school.
  2. Enjoy fine dining, city walks, kayaking
  3. Tai Chi

Q: Why does this gentleman think I give a shit about his family?
A: Because he is an idiot.

Look, it doesn't necessarily hurt your resume. But it doesn't help, either. So why put it there? So you can make your resume look longer, that's why.

Then, we have this one. From the cover letter:

"With my construction back round experience"... (I don't even know what the hell that means.)

"With multi-tasking (grrr...) being daily and maintaining staffing I have what it takes with both hands on and the technical knowledge to get the job done along with Good Communication and Good Management Skills."

First off, why does this man hate punctuation so? What did it do to him? Was he mistreated by the comma as a child? Second of all, what's with the excessive capitalization and underlining? And third, do yourself a favor and read this out loud. It barely makes any sense. And finally, what is so hard about the word "background"? "Back round experience" sounds like something you put in a sex ad.

Oh, just fucking shoot me.

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Now BACK TO WORK, you layabouts!


girl with curious hair said...

Oh how I love these resume posts! First because they're so funny; second because I really like the way my resume reads after seeing these.

The first guy mentioned his family so you know how much he needs the job without having to beg. The second guy is begging for a copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Jason said...

perhaps guy #2 could call guy #1's wife and help out since he has plenty of hands on back round experience.

Redhead said...

I think you should call in everyone for an interview that has something that can be interpreted as even slightly dirty - it will make things fun for you, and it's no more arbitrary than any other reason for interviewing someone. It's not like you have to hire these people afterwards.

litelysalted said...

Hey, I like kayaking and fine dining, too! I think I should hire that fellow. He seems like good people.

onthevirg said...

Keep em coming man, they're hilarious. And the next time I apply for a job, I'm going to have my resume proofread about 20 times.

Manny said...

I heart these posts.