Monday, July 07, 2008

I'm not proud of this

So I was eating a salad, and I guess I was going at it a little too aggressively.

Regardless, I failed to remove the fork from my mouth in time, and ended up biting down pretty hard and shattering the plastic fork.

In my mouth...

... and then I swallowed some of it by accident.

It hurts a little, in my belly.

This is worse than that time I bit my finger while eating a sandwich. Also, I have salad dressing on my shirt. And pants.

Goddamnit, does this shit happen to anyone else? I need to know. I desperately need to know. I can't be the only one of my kind, can I?

Fuck. Do me a favor and read my newest Music Is The Message post please? Just to make me feel better?

[sigh]

14 comments:

lordhelmet said...

Man, murphy must have you in his sights - your luck is consistent! For what it's worth, I make huge messes without effort, only they generally end up on floors, desks, or tables, not me, and they're more due to carelessness than...whatever shit luck you've got going on. I'm too cautious for self-injury, but do seem to be a mess-magnet.

Maxine Dangerous said...

It's not a huge stretch, but I was eating BBQ for blunch (skipped bfast + must-eat-now-for-I-am-ravenous lunch) and got BBQ sauce on my forearm. Maybe it was surprising because I was actually eating with a knife and fork. Well, at first. ;)

kelsi said...

i forgot to tell you about the time i bit into a wineglass while i was drinking red wine.
so yeah, there was that time.
i did not, however, swallow any of it.
but now you will learn whether or not the body can digest a plastic fork? yay?

Sarah said...

I was once served a shot at a drunken party that had visible pieces of glass in the bottom of it, but I was so wasted that I didn't think this trifling detail was important and drank it anyway. Oh, and the person who served me the shot: the guy I was seeing at the time.

Feel better now?

PS - Broken glass did me no permanent damage, so I'm guessing plastic fork bits should leave you mostly intact.

d said...

i too was eating a salad for lunch today and missed my mouth with the fork and cherry tomato/salad dressing/lettuce/carrots ran a nice happy trail from my chin to my crotch.

and this was just today. something similar seems to happen a few times a week. you'd think, at my age, that i'd know how to eat already.

i'm just glad i work from home.

hope the plastic fork comes out ok.

New Texan said...

Uh, damn.

country roads said...

I burnt my face once doing a shot of 151. It didn't extinguish like it was supposed to. And the shot glass was plastic.

Miss_E said...

Yes, it happens to other people, namely me. This morning after getting out of the shower, I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and I ran into the door frame hard enough to leave a huge welt running from my shoulder to my elbow. It looks like someone beat me with a 2 x 4. Graceful like a swan I tell you.

kelsi said...

i think country roads may win.
dang.

Felicia said...

Whoa, you were for real about that fork?? Um, well I spilt mashed potatoes and gravy down the front of myself on Sunday whilst at KFC after a cabin weekend of dirty dirty fun. There's so many wrong things about that incident. First off, I admitted I was inside a KFC...

A Lover and a Fighter said...

tell me if you poop blood!

MelodyLane said...

Does drinking a bottle of Aftershock and then thinking that it was a brilliant idea to break the bottle to get to the alcohol-infused crystals at the bottom count? There was quite a bit of glass in there, but I was far too drunk to care.

I am still living 7-ish years later. Plastic is not something I have ever ate, but good luck to you man.

Nicole said...

TK, you are definitely not the only one. Julie and I set world records for our abilities to spill, break, spray, fall, trip, walk into shit, etc.

We need to get an apartment made of bubble wrap.

Side note: Yay for Meg being here to dispense medical advice!

Kolby said...

Try eating with a 5.5-months preggo belly sitting in your lap. So far I've dropped penne, oily popcorn, milk & cereal, chocolate cake, and eggs on myself. And I have a few months to go! It can only get worse!

And here's a tip - try taking the sweatervest off before you eat. That way, if you happen to drop a pound of taco meat on your shirt, you can just slip the sweatervest over the stain(s). Ta da!