Monday, January 07, 2008

You know me, I'm your friend, your main boy, thick and thin...


So I think I'm finally ready to talk about this. I was nervous about mentioning it, for fear of jinxing it. Or because I'd feel like an asshole if I mentioned it and then it didn't work out. (And no, I'm not talking about the Patriots). Let's begin with an exercise.

Try to think about something that you've done every day since you were sixteen years old. Something that you do with your friends, or when you're alone. Something that's with you when you're sad, or frustrated, or angry. Something that's with you when you celebrate and when you mourn. Something that you've come to rely on as always being there for you. Something that is always there with you, like your wallet or your keys or your hands.

And then try to think about never having that thing... ever again.


I quit smoking.

I mean, sure, it's only been seven days, but I'm pretty sure this is the longest I've ever gone... since I was sixteen years old. And I'm doing it for real, not just "let's see how long I can go" bullshit. I've got patches and lollipops and all kinds of fucking gum.

It's a pain in the ass. It's not helped by the fact that a) I drink quite a bit, and usually smoke when I drink, and b) all of my friends except one smokes too. Which has led me to these unfortunate conclusions...

1) I have to stop drinking for a while. Needless to say, I am not pleased. Particularly since one of my friends just got me a spectacularly good bottle of Scotch for Christmas.

2) I am also going into temporary exile from my friends, to avoid temptation. I'm not thrilled about that either. But it's gotta be done.

I'm not looking for sympathy, because frankly, I got myself here. It's not like I couldn't have stopped years ago, when it would have been easier. But like most people, I thought I was immortal when I was young, and am more and more being forced to realize that... well, that's just not fucking true. But more importantly, for years I didn't quit because I didn't think I'd be able to. And if that isn't the most ridiculous self-fulfilling bullshit I've ever fed myself, I don't know what is. And then, late last year, I started getting angry with myself. Who am I to think I'm not strong enough? Goddammit, I'm plenty motherfucking strong. I've survived broken bones, stitches, and my parents leaving the country. I've survived heartache and deaths in the family. Fuck that. That excuse just ain't gonna wash anymore.

Not to mention that it pains me to do something that supports one of the absolute worst, most evil corporate machines in the history of the known universe.

So anyway. This is day seven. And it's on like Donkey Kong.


Deutlich said...

And that's actually something to be EXTREMELY proud of. I'm trying to quit my damn self.

Soon, for sure.

girl with curious hair said...

Congratulations! I'm very happy for you and your health. Actually, since everything is about me, I take my friends' quitting smoking as a personal gift from them to me. So Thank You for taking better care of yourself.


Anonymous said...

I heard that its easier to dump your smoking friends and hang out with nonsmokers in order to quit than it is to quit on your own.

so good luck with that.

i'm one of the lucky few without an addictive personality (that's not to say that people aren't addicted to ME; come on, i'm awesome!) but only to say i can smoke and not smoke whenever i choose.

except the weed. baby boo is gonna look really weird i fear....

seriously, though, good luck!! i can start sending you really disturbing images of smoker's lungs and mouth cancer if that would help, buddy. although in your twisted mind, that might make you want one more....

onthevirg said...

Huh, I thought this was going to be an ode to your love affair with teh gay male porn. Color me surprised.

Manny said...

Whew! I thought you were talking about your chronic masturbation issue...umm, was I not supposed to mention that?

I wish I could quit YOU...hold me.

Seriously though, good luck. I hear you can catch a wicked buzz if you spark up one of those nicotine patches, though.

Dustin said...

In the be careful what you ask for department, I smoked for four years, during law school and until Boston implemented the smoking ban in May 2004. I found that Commit Nicotine Lozenges work wonders. In fact, they work so well, four years later, I'm still sucking on the goddamn things -- 8-10 a day, which is about as much nicotine as a pack of smokes. But, there's no tar or cancer-causing agents, and they're minty, so there's no foul odor. And the truth is, I like the mints way more than I ever liked cigarettes. Way more. I tried to wean myself off of them with patches once, but I couldn't quit them. I just couldn't. They're too good.

Lainey said...

YAY for you! I finally quit a year ago. Almost 2 packs a day for close to 20 years...ewwww...

Do you dream that you're smoking and wake up horrified? I did for the first few weeks. It was WEIRD!

Good luck to you! Ooooh, one other thing'll find yourself getting more easily annoyed. PLEASE read through more resumes during this time and feel free to share your thoughts. Thanks!

Kolby said...

On behalf of the non-smokers of the world, I say congrats. Also, Muah ha ha ha! We turned another one!

Anonymous said...

Bon chance, buddy. As a former smoker turned sometimes social smoker who also like Boo has no addictive personality (except to The Sugar), I salute you and send you craving-fighting vibes through my keyboard.

Be careful with those patches though. A friend of mine started having wicked nightmares and stopped sleeping when she used them. I think it drove her to pick up her ciggies again.

QueBarbara said...

I quit smoking two years ago. One of the best things I ever did. If you get the urge, remind yourself over and over and over again why you decided to quit (the smell, the inconvenience, the cost, your spouse, etc.) Email me if you need a hand, 'cause I had a few friends who helped me.

MelodyLane said...

I will be sending you good luck vibes to help you quit. I was a 2 pack a day smoker for about 6 years during undergrad. It took me at least 10 times cold turkey to quit. I hear that Welbutrin works wonders if you are interested.

The weirdest thing after you quit is when your sense of taste and smell come back. It was like an alternate universe.

Best of luck man.

Alex the Odd said...

Best of luck sweetness, your lungs will love you.

I've never been a smoker, I'm physically incapable of inhaling, but I am one of these weird individuals who likes the taste of cigarette smoke.

Yeah, I steal drags from cute boys who smoke at parties. I'm a shameful human being.

Maxine Dangerous said...

Congrats, TK. I know exactly what you're going through. Feel free to email me if you need anything. I've quit smoking more times than I can count and I'm ready with the back slaps of congratulations and the ears for listening to grousing, etc.

Much love,


TK said...

Aw, thanks everyone.

Deutlich - good luck.

Curious - Um... you're welcome?

Boo - Thanks. Rub it in. You and your mutant baby.

OTV - I think I've mentioned it before, but I hate you.

Manny - It's like have a drunk child come staggering through here, I swear.

Dustin - You smoked for four years? No one likes a quitter, Dustin. And I think I'm becoming addicted to dum-dums.

Lainey - it's hard to think I could get MORE easily annoyed, but... anything for the readers, right?

Kolby - If you want to take credit, be my guest.

Manda - yeah, I don't wear 'em to sleep. Too jittery.

QB - Thanks... I just might.

Melody - Yowza. That's hardcore smoking. I think I'm good without the wellbutrin, though.

Alex - you shameless floozy!

Max - Thanks Maxy, 'preciate it.

country roads said...

good job man! I wish you the best of luck.

Always the giver, though, I'll be sure to fire up one for ya.

Anonymous said...

so, when we quit at the freaky-shoot you with a laser-place? one thing they told us is that, after two or three weeks, we would have chest pains. because the cillia (sp?) on our lungs would start to stand back up and wiggle around after having been stuck to our lungs by TAR. and it Totally Happened. and was as unpleasant as it sounds, but also strangely theraputic, as some sort of proof that you really can repair yourself. Or something. nevermind. just thought i should warn you, lest you think you're having a heart attack. you're not.

slouchmonkey said...

"Cocaine is not addictive! I should know, I've been using it for years." --Tallulah Bankhead, actress

Well done, sir! I'm approaching my one year anniversary...and, I just quit. No words, no mints, no patches, no gum, no books. I think I surprised myself, because I'm not that strong. Write if you need encouragement.

Jez said...

I was never a "smoker" in the sense of a pack-o-day or 3-pack-o-day guy. I would smoke in social settings when it usually involved drinking, or driving more than half an hour to get anywhere. Just something to do.

So one day, I just bought a pack-o-smokes and said, "I'm either going to become a smoker, or quit." Woke up, had a cig, half hour later, another, and so on. About an hour before lunch, the cigs went into the trash, and I've only had about 10 on occassion since December '97.

Conclusion: I've really achieved NOTHING. I'm proud of you, though. Still disappointed its not about masturbation. I'm never giving that shit up.

Kerstin said...

Congrats. That's a big deal.

The Ex said...

I thought you were talking about masturbation.

Mrs TK said...

Dear Anonymous:
One 'L' in cilia.
Mrs TK

Dear TK:
Aren't you going to tell your nice friends about traffic school ;-)
Mrs TK

Mel said...

best of luck - I quit 10 months ago and still think about it, but it gets easier everyday!

Jayne said...

Congratulations, darling. I'm sure it sucks, but you'll feel better in the end.

I went from a bottle of wine or a few martinis or glasses of scotch a NIGHT- and I weigh 105lbs- to not drinking at all over the holidays. (Of course, I have another incentive for that... :) ) but still! It is NOT EASY! And although I'll never understand the horrors of quitting the nicotine stick, I do feel for ya, sweetie.

Good luck!

demondoll said...

Good for you, TK!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations. I just passed my one year quitting anniversary in October. Just in case you struggle, I used the nicotrol inhaler. It's by prescription only. Costs almost two hundred bucks for a three month supply but it worked wonders for me. Although, I did look like a tool puffing on what appeared to be a tampon while in restaurants. Who cares, it worked.

dmbmeg said...

my mom smoked for about 35 years. Remember that.

What you are doing is a very, very, very good thing.

Lora_3 said...


I quit last May.

Wait till you figure out how bad you have smelled for years. That's a eye opener.

Be safe...

me said...

Way to be TK, Boy toy and I quit 5 years ago, but we used Welbutrin, LOVED that shit! We quit drinking about 15, 18 years ago and did it cold turkey(if we were fun drunks it may have been harder, but as we were the polar opposite of fun...) Let me tell you it was a FUCKload easier to quit drinking than it was to quit smoking. We wanted any crutch we could get. Take the drugs, the patch, the inhaler, the dumdums, human sacrifices, whatever it takes to get you through the day. We are all rooting for ya!

DrunkBrunch said...

I just hit my 11 month mark of not smoking ( I smoked for 10+ years) and wanted to give a little advice:

Don't beat yourself up if you slip. A lot of people do and think it's the end of the world. It's not. You don't even have to reset the clock; just gloss over it but don't make it a habit.

Good luck!

Sara said...

Yay for you! Stay strong, man. I'm on three weeks myself. I recommend smoking weed when you really need a fag, it does the trick. Lots of luck